Ski School

I am currently in Steamboat, Colorado skiing with my family.

You could say that I don't always have the best luck with ski trips. When I was in seventh grade, I broke my wrist in three different places while sledding... three days BEFORE our Christmas ski trip. Result? A week of staying in our condo watching moral court tv with my Grandma while everyone else enjoyed the beautiful mountains. Three years ago, we went to our house in Palisade, Colorado (Western side of the mountains). I decided to snowboard... andddd that wasn't so good. Feeling confident, I decided to go down the mountain with the rest of my family... Roughest run of my life. Exhausted and frustrated, I caught an edge wrong and slipped backwards, slamming my head on ice. Result? A concussion and two sick days. Senior year on a youth group ski trip to Devil's Head, WI, I wasn't paying attention while on a lift. Result? Everyone else getting off just fine and me falling off, face first into the snow right in front of the lift. I was only "slightly" embarrassed when the lift operator had to stop the entire lift to help me up. There have also been numerous minor injuries and dozens of bruises. But, I am sure that none of this surprises you...

Well, I hope I am not speaking too quickly, but this ski trip has been relatively good for me! After not having skied for a few years, I would say I'm doing quite well. I have had a couple of good falls, but nothing too serious. Overall, I am just sore, but that's common. And maybe my new helmet helps out just a little bit.

Even though no serious injuries have developed (yet...), awkwardness still followed me to Colorado.

Yesterday, I went skiing with my sisters and their husbands while my dad stayed behind to take a day off. We were on our third run or so when every pulled to the side of the run to rest for a second. I, however, missed the memo that we were all going to stop, and being on the other side of the run, I didn't have time to cross over to stop with them. I kept skiing down and stopped in front of one of those "SLOW" banners. Well, the blue run we were on collided with a green run... so naturally, there were people of various of ski abilities that ended up on the same mountain at some point. When I stopped by that sign, I noticed a little girl, probably about six years old, next to me. One by one, other six year olds started flying down the green run and stopped right next to the little girl. After about two minutes, I looked behind me, and there were eight or nine five-six year olds surrounding me. They were either friends or in the same ski school is what it looked like... but I didn't see any instructor. I look up the mountain to where my sisters and brother-in-laws were and they were sitting there, staring at me, and laughing hysterically.

I apparently either 1) Looked like the mother of the flock of little children, 2) Looked like the ski instructor, or 3) Looked like one of them.

I looked around me again and all the little kids were staring at me. I didn't really know what to say so I just asked them how their day was and if they were having fun. Luckily, I didn't stay too much longer by that sign and with all the kids. But, my family did laugh at me for the remainder of the day.

Just picture that sight in your mind... Me. Surrounded by a herd of little ski children. Hanging out together at the bottom of the ski run. Nice.

Next time, I'll try to be a little more aware of when my group is stopping so I don't have to look like a child, a mother, a ski instructor, or just an adult who is so bad at skiing I had to be in a class with five and six year olds.

A Great Sister

This one is short... but enjoyable nonetheless.

Friday night after work, I went to my good friend James' going away party. Naturally, it was Christmas themed, so I busted out my sweater/80's dressy top (sequined Holly flowers/leaves EVERYWHERE). I knew I couldn't stay long because I had to get up super early the next morning because I was driving home. I stayed for about an hour, had a good time, left, and got into my car. I looked at my phone and realized I had missed a call from my sister Jackie. It was kind of late, so I decided not to call her back.

The next day, as I was driving home, I get a call from Jackie. SHOOT, I forgot to call her back, even after I listened to the voicemail she left me. I answered, "Hi sister... I saw you called, sorry I didn't call you back last night!"

Her response? "Wow, you're alive! Why didn't you call me back? Were you out drinking and acting like a ho?"

......... Thanks, Jackie. Obviously, we have a really great relationship :)

WHAT?!

It's been almost a MONTH?! WHAT?! I know, I know, sorry for keeping y'all out of the 'awkward' loop... since I know you're all dying to know what situations have come up...

Well, here is a brief look into the various awkward situations that have conveniently found me over the past month:

1. I was peed on. YEP. The littlest girl I nanny got mad at me one day for not making crappy little cupcakes on her poser easy bake oven. When she gets bossy or whiney, I have this routine of making a tally count on the white board in the kitchen, and when she hits 3, she gets a time out. She got to 3, and since she hates when I put her in timeout, she thought peeing when I was carrying her to her room would be a better idea. I made her clean it up.

2. I was begged by my mom, for the fifth time, to go out on a date with an old "friend"... if you know the details of certain events or the individual himself, you would think it was awkward too. Plus, old flings should just be no-go's.

3. I got marriage counseling from the kids I nanny. They asked if I was married. I said no, naturally, and they told me I better hurry up or no guy would like me because I was getting too old... then the oldest, Joslyn, told me that if I waited too long to have kids, they would come out looking like monkeys... what are they teaching in public schools these days!?

4. I sat in Burnt sienna oil paint one day in the art studio. Luckily, I had a second pair of jeans in my car, so I left to go out to get them. Walking down the hallway, I run into three of my art professors and chat with them a little bit. I go, get my pants, and take them to go change. I run into one of the professors again, her being my advisor, and she stops me. "Beth, if you needed a tampon, you could have asked me..." So, apparently, her and the other professors thought I had my period and was leaking. Blushing like CRAZY, I had to awkwardly explain to her that the suspected menstrual blood was, in fact, burnt sienna paint. Why I get into these types of situations in the art room, I don't know.

5. At work, I helped a 70-something year old couple find lingerie. Okay, now, here's the thing. If I'm married, and both my husband and I are still living, YEAH I hope we are still having sex, DUH. But it's a completely different situation when you are trying to find intimate apparel for others... Old people PDA...

6. Yesterday, after a huge ice storm and lots of freezing rain mixed with all the snow from last week's snow storm, I fell. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. 8 times to be exact. That's got to be a record. None of the falls were bad... but I did run into like 5 cars trying to catch myself. Creighton University's campus was a day-long ice skating rink...

Well, those are a few updates from the past month! Hopefully I will be better about updating them more regularly :)

Have an amazingly awkward day!

The Naked Cowboy and Brokeback Mountain

Being an art major, I LOVE art classes. My favorite class? Life Drawing. If you aren't sure what this is, it's when you draw naked people. Live, naked models... yep... naked... so mature. And no, I don't like it just 'cause their naked. I just think the human body is incredible. And I love drawing. So there.

Well, I'm in my third semester of life drawing. We currently have three models: one female and two males. They alternate days when they model, but one of the male models has been modeling for this class for about 6 years. Because I have been drawing him for awhile, I have gotten to know him. Not in an awkward way, but he's just a really good guy... Okay... ANYWAYS, this semester, a different professor, Amy Nelson, is teaching the course compared to John Thein, who normally teaches it. She is more liberal than the John in just everything she does. Her drawing approaches, her techniques, her advice, and just the way she has us artistically interact with the models. John is more formal and traditional with how he says we should draw the models, but Amy wants us to more creatively approach the models and the ways in which we represent them.

So, on Tuesday in Life Drawing, I show up, get my charcoal, drawing board, and paper all set up, and in comes the model (the one I know the best and have been drawing for awhile). Nothing is different, he's just wearing his robe, but I see he's carrying a bag. I remember that Amy said that he could bring in props for the next class to use during poses. Well, I couldn't tell what he had with him, but I didn't really think much else of it. I made my coffee, walked back to my easel, and was ready to draw. When I looked up to begin drawing the model, that's when I saw them. His props. What were they? A cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Yes... you read that correctly. There the model was... completely naked except for wearing the hat and the boots...

I seriously didn't know how to react. So, naturally, I started laughing hysterically. At the beginning of the class on the very first day, all the students get a huge lecture from the professor about being professional and respectful of the models. Me laughing? Not that respectful and professional. But really? A male model (who also happens to gay) wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and cowboy boots? How professional is THAT? Well, after receiving a few responsive glares from the beginning students as a result of my outburst, the model looked at me and just starts laughing too.

It was all just absurd. Luckily I didn't make a complete jerk out of myself, but that drawing session gave an awkward new meaning to Brokeback Mountain.

Chlamydia

::ATTENTION ALL CREIGHTON STUDENTS::

If you choose to go to Reinhart-Alumni Library to study, do homework, or socialize, beware of who you sit next to. You never know when you will sit next to a fellow student googling Chlamydia. Whether it's for academic or personal use, I do NOT want to know.

Retail Nightmares and Mystery People

I have been working retail for the past four years of my life. It’s definitely a love-hate relationship. I hate the low pay and crappy hours, but I love working with people. I love just talking with random customers and getting to know my co-workers. AND Retail, I must say, is one of the best jobs to have if you enjoy people watching… which is perfect, because I LOVE people watching. I have seen some pretty hilarious things and met some really odd people… and, to no surprise, I have encountered numerous awkward situations. Here are some of my favorite (and most awkward) retail moments:

1. Working at Francesca’s Collections the summer after my senior year of high school in Highland Park, IL. If you don’t know much about Highland Park, I will just tell you now that most of the people who live there are Jewish. Rich Jewish people. Well, I am not Jewish and it never occurred to me that this factor would ever be an important factor with my job. One particularly busy day, I was helping out numerous customers at once, and one of them was looking for a Bat Mitzvah gift for her daughter’s friend. I was scrambling around gathering different necklaces and she looks at me and says, “Well, what did you get for your Bat Mitzvah?” Hmmm… “Oh, I never had a Bat Mitzvah.” A look of utter confusion passed over her face. “What? You never had a Bat Mitzvah?” “Oh, no, I didn’t, I’m not Jewish.” “You’re not Jewish...? Then… why do you work at Francesca’s?” I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was some rule that I had to be Jewish to work in a town that just happens to be inhabited by mostly Jewish people. I didn’t know what to say because I was utterly confused by her question. Then she asked who was Jewish in the store so they could help her find the perfect gift… hmmm. Bat Mitzvah fail.

2. Francesca's Collections: Summer 2007... a 12 year old kid asked for my number. fml.

3. Working at Forever 21: Summer 2008. Probably the most ghetto job ever and one of the most ghetto Forever 21 stores ever, but the stories are pretty awesome. One guy I worked with, Fabian, probably has 4 kids and he is my age. One of his baby mamas was actually my co-head cashier so her and I got pretty close after a while. Well, one day at work, I walk in, go right to the back room to lock up my stuff, and Fabian walks in. No joke, this kid hits on EVERYBODY that first starts out there. He sits at the table right next to the lockers and just looks at me. This next conversation isn't precisely word-for-word, but pretty close for how I remember it. What's goin' on, girl? Oh nothing really, just preparing for a long day. I really don't wanna be here. Yeah, it's been slow... so, what are you doin' later tonight? Well, I work till close so I won't be out of here till 11:30 or so. Yeah, girl, I hear ya, but what 'bout after that? Just going home. How 'bout coming to my house? Why? Are people going over? Nah, girl, just thought it could be you and me. You know... getting to know each other. Sorry, no, I can't. You aren't going to get rid of me this easy... and he walks out. Sorry Fabian, I didn't want to hang out. And I'm not ready to be a mom. And you're sketchy. So no. Never. Ever.

4. Forever 21: Summer 2008. Fabian... again... but this time, he wasn't hitting on me. He was working in the back of the store doing some maintenance stuff. I am at the registers at the front of the store and I see this little hispanic girl walk in just looking like she wants to kill someone. She looks around frantically and then comes up to me and asks where Fabian is. I point her to the back and she walks super fast in that direction. The store wasn't too busy and there was already someone else on the register so I decided to step away to see what is going on. When I follow the girl back to Fabian, she is screaming at him. All I hear is a lot of cuss words and Baby Mama, cheatin', and Baby Daddy. She starts hitting him and he's calling her a crazy B. It was seriously like watching a car wreck. I couldn't get my eyes off of this specular. It was a real fight and I hadn't seen one in SO long. I forget something that she said while they were fighting, but I thought it was hilarious. Well, I think the fact that I laughed out loud pissed her off, 'cause she turned around and looked at me and asked if I had a problem. At this point, I just don't want her to knife me. Luckily, the managers and security got her out right after she said that to me. I almost saw my life flash before my eyes... no, but seriously, if she took a swing at me, I totally would have fought back.

5. Forever 21: Summer 2008 (yeah there are a LOT). So, Forever 21 has a small lingerie department... it's tacky, and gross, and cheap. But, for some reason, it was all pretty popular among the shoppers. Well, guys don't really go into the store very often... unless they are either 1) with their wives/girlfriends or 2) looking for a gift for their wives/girlfriends. I love helping out male customers 'cause they seriously never have any clue what to get their significant others. Well, one day, I saw a 20-something year old guy wandering around the lingerie department looking lost and confused. As much as I would rather help customers find... well, actual CLOTHING, I knew that I should help him. I asked him if he needed any help and he went on this whole schpeel about how it's his and his girlfriend's 2 year anniversary and he wants to find her a "special" gift. Awkward. Well, I am trying to help him find some things and throughout the entire ordeal, he continues to ask me personal questions, like which things I like the best, my size, what I would want to get from my boyfriend, ect, ect... hmmm... 20 minutes of this and we eventually find something that he thinks will work. He asks me to hold it up to me so he can look at it "better". I continue to hold it out and he tells me that she is about the same size as I am so he just wants to make sure it looks okay. Yuck.

6. Working at Nouvelle Eve: Summer 2009. This is a high-end women's boutique I currently work at. Well, Saturday mornings in the summer downtown are always really busy because of the Farmer's market and how popular our store actually is. The store itself has a lot of "stuff" in it. A lot of merchandise, clothing racks, shelves, and display cases. Sometimes, it is seriously like a maze just maneuvering in and out of the plethora of clothing articles. I always bump into corners and clothing racks. One one busy Saturday, I was busy helping a couple of different customers. In a rush to get a few items from the back, I turned from the register pretty fast, walked quickly to the side, and ran STRAIGHT into the glass door of one of our Jewelry cases that was left open. Seriously, I ran directly into it. I didn't even know it was there. The entire store turns and starts laughing. I turn bright red and of course giggle awkwardly and start making fun of myself to lighten my embarrassment. But then, I turn to the side and I see people staring at me. See, right next door to Nouvelle Eve is M's, a pub/restaurant. There is a window in between our store and their restaurant so you can see right through... well, that window was right next to the jewelry case I had just ran into and people in M's who were trying to enjoy their lunch got entertainment as well. Thank to me and my clumsiness. Those observers/diners started laughing. I am glad I was not only able to make a fool out of myself in front of my customers and co-workers, but also to complete strangers just trying to enjoy a lunch at M's. I'm just happy I didn't completely knock down the jewelry case and break it.

7. Nouvelle Eve: this past Friday night. So, there is a Creighton student that looks almost exactly like my friend Alex except that he has a little lighter hair. I see him randomly around campus and I always try to take a picture, but he is normally either walking in front of me or he's too far away. Well, this past Friday night, I was working and Alex's Creighton twin walks in with his girlfriend. YES I thought. I text Alex to tell him and he tells me I should take a picture. BRILLIANT. Finally, I'll be able to prove this kid exists. Well, while another sales associate was helping his girlfriend find a sweater, I decide to try and take a picture nonchalantly. Well, he was in the PERFECT position, so I pull out my phone and try to be secretive. Well, as soon as I am about to press the 'capture' button, he turns and see me with my phone. I, automatically am flustered and blushing like crazy. But also, I have awful reflexes, so instead of just putting away my phone, I accidentally proceed to press 'capture' WHILE pulling down and hiding my phone. But, instead of my phone quietly taking a blurry picture of nothing, the sound was on and a giant *click* filled the room. He totally just saw me try to take a picture of him... and the camera sound just proved it. I awkwardly, pretend to look things up on the computer after this happens. The rest of the time this kid and his gf were there, he was as far away from me as possible... and his girlfriend bought an AWFUL sweater. Ugh, awkward. I hope I never see him on campus ever again.

These are only a few examples from my retail escapades... I am sure there will be more... With me, it's unavoidable.

Hola... Yeah, I don't speak Spanish...

I am currently finishing up some observation hours at Marrs Magnet School in South Omaha. South O is primarily inhabited by Hispanic populations, so therefore, most South O schools have a lot of kids in them that speak Spanish as their first language.

I don't speak spanish. At all. Okay, I might know like 10 words, but that's seriously it. Probably the worst life decision ever to take French for 8 years of my life. I really like being at Marrs Magnet. I really have liked the kids overall and my cooperating teacher is pretty good. Well, when I went into the school and classroom this morning, I walked in on a class of kids I had never seen before. Doing observation hours is always a little awkward because not all the kids get to see you and know you, and also, you don't really have much say in the classroom. Well, I walk in and get stares from 25 6th grade strangers... Oh... Hello.

The entire morning, I am walking around and helping kids with their current drawing projects. There are three boys in particular that are especially chatty. I try to give them the stare down, but that didn't work. Every time I glance up, they are looking at me and talking to one another. After about 5 or 10 minutes of this going on, I finally walk over to them and ask them to stop talking. Of course they are not going to listen to me, they have never seen me before. They start talking in Spanish and laughing and giggling at me.

I am annoyed at this point. Okay boys, this is the deal, you are 11. When you talk, you still sound like you are 5 year old girls. You are about to experience zits and rejections from girls who REALLY don't want to date you. You are still in that awkward, post-child, chubby phase. Why are you laughing at me? I should be laughing at you.

I walk over to tell them a second time to get to work and stop talking. Their response? "Do you speak Spanish?" I said no... and immediately after I said that, I dreaded my response. I should have lied. I should have told them I was fluent. They grinned and started speaking openly in Spanish. Occasionally, students from around the class would turn around and laugh at their comments. I had NO idea what they were saying. I have never felt so taken advantage of for not speaking Spanish. All I know is I feel completely self-conscious at the fact all the kids were all laughing at those 3 boys' remarks...

I tried remembering some keys words that they said, but when I typed them into Google Translator, they weren't there... I probably spelled them completely wrong. Dang my life. I need to learn Spanish.

No Shave November

I am a participant in No Shave November. And my legs are lookin' mighty good if I do say so myself. Not shaving really grosses me out, so this is really difficult for me, but I am doing really well so far... only 20 days left... ugh...

It's a really good thing that I pretty much always wear jeans so no one can actually see my legs. However, when I work out, I HATE wearing pants. I always have to wear running shorts.

So yesterday, I went to the gym right after class like I do every Monday. I changed, walked over to the stretching mats, and turned on my iPod. Stretching and totally in my own world, I see out of the corner of my eye this guy sitting near me just looking at me. I look over and he is glancing at my legs every once and awhile. Of course, I know he is examining the hairiness and probably thinking about how gross I am. I turn bright red and try my best to ignore him and not get too self-conscious. I stood up to finish stretching after a few minutes and I can't help but see him looking at me again. I look over, and he says to me with a completely straight face, "No Shave November?" I am HORRIFIED. Again, I turned bright red and awkwardly respond with a flustered giggle, "Uh, yeah..." I ended my stretching session a little early just to get away from this kid. The entire time I was running, I would look around and see him and just want to hide in a corner.

I am amazed that he actually had the guts to ask me about my legs.

Free Food. ROCK ON.

I am not the type of girl that normally takes advantage of... well... being a girl. But, sometimes, it definitely pays off.

For example: On Halloween, I went to Chipotle. Well, from 6-9, if you wear tin foil, Chipotle will give you a free burrito. I, however, had to be someplace during that time frame. I REALLY wanted a free burrito though, so I went to Chipotle to try out my negotiation skills. I went up to the counter and there was this nervous looking high school boy waiting for me to order. This is what I said, "Okay, so I need to know something. I know that from 6-9, you guys give free burritos. Well, I need to be someplace at 5:30 and won't be able to make it during that designated time. But, I did have full intentions on going... and dressing up... so, I was wondering, do you think I could have a free burrito?" I of course innocently batted my eyes and smiled, trying to sucker my way in. He looked at me and said, "Are you serious?".... Ummm, yes, very. His response, to my surprise, "Ummm, okay fine." AWESOME.

Now, I normally don't lead on random people, but, if it results in a free meal, I occasionally go against my normal instincts and kick up the "flirt" level. Shallow? I wouldn't use THAT word. I would say... Clever.

Well, I was at Noodles & Company getting food before I was supposed to nanny last week, and without the intention of getting free food, I ordered. I was completely normal. So, I ordered my meal to go, paid, and sat down at the counter. I was texting and when I looked up, there was a guy just standing there staring at me. He said, Oh, I KNOW you wanna text me, girl... No need though, I'm right here... **insert cheesy smile**... (And what do I say? Nothing. I just awkwardly laugh and ignore him. He seemed alarmed by the fact I didn't really care, and so he went over behind the counter, pulled out a large fountain drink cup and put it in front of me.) Here's a large drink if you take the rest of my shift for me. Hahaha, sorry but I can't. I have to go nanny. Hell girl, I will nanny for you if you just do me this one favor. You wanna nanny 6 kids? 6? Oh, gross no, never mind. Yeah, I didn't think you would. Oh, don't get me wrong. I LOVE kids. They love me too. I can't wait to be a dad. .... uh, Okay. But seriously, go get a drink for yourself, sweetheart. Oh, seriously? Ummm... thanks. I feel like I've seen you around... do you go out dancing a lot? Umm... no. Well, you should. I can definitely see you out there. (OKAY. AT THIS POINT I JUST WANT TO DIE.) Thanks... well, thanks for the drink. (I grabbed my food and got out of there as soon as I could)

I regret taking that free drink. Why is it that I attract creepers? 'Tis my life, apparently.

It's a Date!

Here’s the deal. My awkwardness is leaking onto my friends.

In this next post, I am going to use pseudonyms to protect the dignity and sanity of the individuals featured in these events.

This following event is both 100% true and 1000% awkward.

So, I have this friend named “Tom”. Tom is a youth pastor and is always looking for new people that want to help out with the youth group on a regular basis. This summer, there was a girl named “Darla”. Darla came to youth group a couple times to help out. Her and I talked, and despite her quiet, shy nature (two things of which I am NOT), she seemed really nice and very normal. Both Tom and I were surprised when she stopped coming to help out after those two weeks. After trying to contact her and see what she was up to, there was no luck of reciprocating contact on Darla’s side so Tom and I kind of just let it go.

Well, about a week and a half to two weeks ago, Darla talked to Tom. Darla asked if her and Tom could “hang out”. A little confused, Tom called me, questioning Darla’s motive for “hanging out”… was this going to be a meeting about youth group stuff or was she looking for a date? Well, after talking to him a little and discussing the details of the conversation/situation, we both found the verdict to be: A DATE. Uninterested and confused, Tom was determined to go to this “meeting” with the intention of ONLY talking about youth group and having Darla come back to help out. I, of course, found this entire situation to be hilarious so naturally, I teased him about it everyday up until their date… oh, ummm, I mean “meeting”.

[[fast forward a few days…]] It was the day. The day of Tom and Darla’s meeting. Tom told me he would tell me about it once he was done. I get a call later in the afternoon and I saw it was Tom. When I answered, all I heard on the other side was, “MOST AWKWARD MEETING EVER!” Laughing hysterically, I tried my best to at least compose myself for a little bit in order to listen to what actually happened. Tom told me how when they arrived at the coffee shop and were walking to the door, she basically pretended to ignore him until the very last moment when she gave an awkward, “Oh hey!” In the coffee shop, she waited to order to see if he would buy her drink, which he didn’t. She ordered, and while her drink was being made, she didn’t once turn around to talk to him. For a few minutes, she just stood there… waiting… and Tom? Well, Tom was already feeling awkward and didn’t want to be there so this was probably one of the most awkward moments 3 minutes he had in a really long time. Once they both got their drinks and sat down, she didn’t ask him one question. Tom would ask something and she would give the most vague and briefest answers possible. This went on for awhile and Tom was feeling the pressure. Finally trying to get to the sole purpose of their meeting, Tom asks, “So… You still want to help out with youth group?” “Oh, yeah sure!”, she answers. Obviously, by the tone of her answer, youth group talk was NOT why she wanted to go to coffee with Mr. Tom. Desperate to get out of the situation, Tom did something he hadn’t done in a really long time. He lied and told her he needed to get to another meeting for work. After Tom told me this story, I was still laughing and in disbelief by the sheer awkwardness of that entire meeting and her obvious lack of social skills, especially with males. (If you know who Tom really is, you should ask him for the details… he tells it way better than I did.)

Well, over the next week, I still randomly gave him a hard time about his meeting with Darla and how she just wanted to date him… just to be a little obnoxious. I was thinking the whole thing was over and done and it was just a funny moment that made a good story.

I was wrong. Yesterday, I was on facebook before my class, and I get an IM… from Darla. Now, don’t get me wrong, Darla is super nice, but there is no doubt she’s socially awkward. She writes to me, “Hey”. “Hey”, I reply. I was expecting her to say something like How are you? Or What’s up? But no. It was only a second into the conversation and I already felt uncomfortable. I think this broke the record. So I asked her what she was up to. She just says, “Oh, nothing really.” Awesome… nothing else said after that… another awkward silence… and who knew moments of IM could be awkward… Well, after forcing small talk for a little bit, she asks, “So, do you hang out with people from youth group a lot?” Umm… well, yeah, they are some of my closest friends. After this, there was another long silence from Darla. Then, the greatest question of them all was suddenly asked, “Are you and Tom close?” What!? Pardon?! Excuse me?! Why in the world would you ask me that? Where did this question come from? We don’t even really know each other. Are you always this awkward? Yeah, I mean he is a really good friend of mine. I didn’t say anything else. I was both shocked by her bluntness, her obvious lack of understanding personal boundaries, and her clear interest in Tom. I started laughing to myself, and I knew I had to tell him. I told Tom I had to talk to him about an encounter with Darla, and he called me. I gave him the awkward play-by-play and he was speechless. It was an incredible moment. We were both just blown away by the entire situation and how desperate she seemed to get close to Tom but clearly lacked the social skills needed in order to even hold up a decent conversation with a male… but I guess it made him feel a little bit better to know that she couldn’t even hold up an IM conversation with me.

Joking about it for awhile, we started to come up with a possible Tom and Darla scenario that would occur if we wanted to make a movie or something:

I should have told Darla that Tom and I were an item. Upset and distraught that she was put second to me and determined to have Tom all to herself, Darla starts stalking me… following me around school and outside my apartment. Upset that Tom wasn’t giving her the time of day, she kidnaps me when I was walking out to my car to go to campus. She knocks me out, shoves me in the truck of her car, and then drags me to her basement where she locks me up. So, I am locked in the basement while crazy Darla is out trying to woo Tom. Tom, still uninterested, rejects Darla despite my absence. Darla, still upset, tries drugging Tom’s Gatorade at youth group. Tom luckily doesn’t fall for her tricks and doesn’t drink anymore. Darla gets super upset and starts planning how she is going to kill me so that she could then take my place and have Tom all for herself. Tom finds the blueprints of Darla’s nutty plans and decides to rescue me before Darla could kill me. While out buying rat poison, duct tape, a nail gun, and bleach, Tom makes his way to Darla’s basement, rescues me, and we escape.

We haven’t solidified an ending yet, but knowing Darla, it will be a good one.

I’m sorry if this all seems mean and excessive… I just wish you could experience someone SIGNIFICANTLY more awkward than me… then you might understand. At least she is nice… for the time being… before she locks me up in her basement.

Oh, and Tom and I will let you know when we release our movie screenplay so we can get some good feedback.

Party in the USA

Unless you are living in a hole, I'm sure you have heard of the song "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. This song it probably one of the catchiest songs I have heard in a really long time... even though the song is awful and the lyrics are dumb, I seriously can't help but dance when I hear it.

Well, below is a music video some guys made to the song. It's awkward and hilarious... I seriously laughed the entire way through it, no joke. I definitely want to be friends with them... then we could all awkwardly dance and sing to Miley songs and be perfectly content together.

ENJOY.

Children of the Corn

Something you need to know about me: I LOVE FALL. Seriously, I could go on and on about it. But... I won't... right now...

Sunday night, the Stonebridge Christian Church high school youth group I help out with went to Pooley's (Yeah... stupid name) Pumpkin Patch for a fall "kickoff" party. So after the boys played some football at the church, we all headed over to the pumpkin patch for a bonfire, hot chocolate, s'mores, hayrack rides, corn mazes and other exciting fall happenings.

Now I LOVE pumpkin patches. I love carving pumpkins, picking out pumpkins, bonfires and everything else. But, something I am not a huge fan of: corn. Corn fields freak me out. I am always afraid that some little demon child or axe murderer is going to jump out of corn fields and eat me or shop me up into little pieces. I know, I know, COMPLETELY irrational and dumb, but it's just something that is really hard for me to get over. I just have these visions of the Children of the Corn and I get the shivers.

On the hay rack ride, I was looking out behind me and watching to see if there was any movement. Nothing. None. Unless you count the people trying to scare me on purpose. I was relieved. However, even though I didn't have an encounter with any axe murderer, I would be lying if I said I didn't interact with the Children of the Corn...

At our bonfire sight, we were all set up and standing around trying to get warm. Well, right next to our sight was what looked like a big family gathering or a group of Adults, their friends, and all their kids. There were a LOT of kids. And they were all fighting each other with sticks and swords. And, they were dressed up (which made watching them way more entertaining... okay, I promise I am not a creeper that likes little kids like THAT). I could identify most of them: I spied a grandma (she was really mean... and had a cane), A ninja turtle, Yoda from star wars, A cheerleader, spiderman, and batman. However, there were a few kids whose costumes baffled me. I had NO idea what they were and I just found myself curious. Well, instead of just wondering, I decided to go ask one of them. He told me he was Obi-Wan. "Oh nice! I didn't know he used sticks and branches as weapons. Are you a good fighter?" I said as I looked at the big stick in his hand. He just smiled and then hit me. Yep, he whacked me with the branch. Then, before I knew it, I was literally being attacked by half a dozen 6 year olds with plastic weapons and branches. All I wanted was to know what that little boy was for Halloween and I get attacked. Luckily, I eventually scared them away when I started chasing them... Little jerks. I should have actually hit THEM with the branches... which is pretty funny, because then one of the dads came over and said that he was going to. Nice.

So, I was attacked by the Children of the Corn. The evil, dressed up, armed children at Pooley's.

(OH, and I wanted to be a little awkward on purpose, so I looked at the kid dressed up as Spiderman and asked him who he was supposed to be. His reaction? Silence, the worst glare I have ever gotten from a little kid, and he turned and walked away. It was brilliant.)

Date Night and 30 Seconds of Silence

So, this one is from a long time ago, but it HAS to go on here because it is sufficiently awkward.

Last August, I went on a date with this guy... we'll just call him Mike. He was an acquaintance but we had been hanging out a lot in groups, so when he asked me out, I thought, What the heck? Why not? He's a really great guy. So, that next night, Mike comes to pick me up and we walk to a local coffee shop (I really like coffee dates as first dates cause they are super chill, so I thought this was starting off on a good note). So we order our coffee, he pays (point for being a gentleman), but... then he kind of just walked away while we were waiting for our coffee. Like, he just went on the other side of the coffee bar. So, we were both standing and waiting for our coffee, but he was like 10 feet away from me. It was a little weird. Well, after our coffee is all ready to go, went to go sit down outside (at least we sat at the same table...). We talked for about two hours and overall, it was really good conversation. I mean, the only strange thing was that we didn't talk much about ourselves but we talked a lot about other people and just random stories. I mean, that's cool and all, but since we weren't THAT great of friends, shouldn't we have been talking about ourselves so we could get to know one another? Well, maybe that's just me. One of our conversations was about this kids movie we both watched when we were younger. It's called Once Upon A Forest. Really weird cartoon movie about toxic gases wiping out all these forest animals... I know, strange. But anyways, he made some comment about us watching it. I didn't think much about it and just replied with something like, Oh yeah, we should have a big movie night where we just watch all the movies we watched when we were little. That would be hilarious. The 'we' I was referring to meant a big group of people... not just Mike and I. Well, we left the coffee place and walked back to my apartment. Overall, it was a good date and the perfect amount of time. I was ready to go back upstairs and kind of just sit around alone for awhile. I took out my keys, ready to thank Mike for taking me out (and even possibly considering another date)... buttttttttt Mike wasn't done yet....

This is where the REAL awkwardness begins...

Mike, instead of walking me to my door, walked to his car. I looked at him confused and he told me to get in 'cause we were going to Blockbuster. I didn't know what to say, so I made the mistake by getting in the car. He told me on the drive there that he wanted to rent Once Upon A Forest. The frickin' kids movie? You want to watch that now? What about that movie night? Who watches forest creature cartoons on a date? We arrive at blockbuster and he leads the way... and I? I'm trailing behind and trying to evaluate if the situation was real. Well, he went right towards the kids section and was looking earnestly for this stupid movie. I was not, however. I was wandering through the other aisles trying NOT to look for it. Then I thought, wait, maybe I SHOULD go over there and find it so that I can hide it and we don't have to watch it. But, when I start walking over there, Mike is already asking the guy at the computer if they have it or not. Awkwardly I make the suggestion of just going home and finding it later, but then I heard the fatal words of that unholy Blockbuster employee: Yeah, we have it. It's in. SHOOT. They both go digging in the family section. I stand back and watch nervously. LUCKILY, after about 5 minutes of looking, they still couldn't find it. Oh darn, we'll just have to do a rain check, I say. We finally leave Blockbuster. FINALLY. He parks in front of my apartment and I thought he was just going to walk me to my door and say goodbye...

Again, I thought wrong.

All the way back to the door, he is telling me a story. A very long, detailed story. I paused at my door with my keys just waiting for him to finish so I could say goodbye, but he just kept on going. It was at this moment I realized he wanted to come inside. I didn't want to be rude so I let him come in with me. While in my apartment, we sat at my kitchen island just chatting a little bit. He tells me some... very interesting things... like what he wants to name his first daughter... hmmmmm. NOT okay... especially on a first date. After this, we proceeded to sit at the island not even facing each other and not even speaking to each other. We sat there for 30 seconds. Without a WORD or a GLANCE. Longest 30 seconds of my life. Shortly after this (he was in my apartment for about an hour), he left.

First dates are awkward... there was no second date and NO watching of Once Upon a Forest.

The Two Short Tales of Confronting Awkward Males

1. I work at a high-end women's boutique downtown. If males do come in, it's to basically just pay for their spouse's merchandise. Outside the store, since it is downtown and even with getting cold out, there are always people playing their instruments or promoting something. Well, there was a couple outside on the corner with signs saying free hugs. My coworkers and I were joking about how we should go outside and get hugs... but we didn't... anyways... Well on this Friday night, a man walks into the store with his wife. He stops in the doorway as I greet them. His wife immediately walks to the back to look at jewelry and I am left there alone with this guy. He asks me if I saw the people outside giving free hugs. I relied, "Oh yeah! Did you get a hug?" He then told me that he didn't because he really didn't want to get a hug from a "dude" (direct quote... which is really funny to me because this guy was probably in his mid-50's and I always think it's kind of strange when middle-aged people use slang). I said, "Well, there was a girl out there with him, why didn't you get a hug from her?" He thinks about it for a second and then tells me that she's not his type because he didn't like her hair color. THEN this is what he tells me next, "I prefer brunettes... I would have asked for a hug if you were out there..." I don't like old men.

2. Just this afternoon, as I was walking over to 13th Street coffee to use the internet, an older gentleman walks by me and says hello. Being friendly, I say hello back and ask him how his day is. He then stops on the sidewalk and starts ranting on about how he just got off ******* work and he is going to ******* go home, drink a huge beer, smoke a huge blunt, and go to sleep... I literally didn't know what to say. So, I just smiled and walked away.

No Candles? No Rose petals? Ew. NO.

So, in case you haven't read my blog about my life outside the expansive realms of awkwardness, I dropped my phone in a bathtub full of muddy water and it's broken. [[For the entire story, check out: http://catchingupwithbethc.blogspot.com]]

Well, I ordered a new phone last night and UPS told me it would arrive today. I have been running back and forth between school and home all day, but I wrote a note early this morning asking the manager of my apartment building if she would sign for my package and keep an eye out for it. Well, tonight before I was leaving for another class, I ran into the building's maintenance guy, Bob. This is how our conversation went:

Oh, hi Beth.

Hi Bob, how are you?

Oh, the usual. I have been keeping an eye out for your package.

OH! You got my note?

Ha, yep, sure did. Is it UPS or FedEx?

UPS.

Ok, I will make sure to keep my eyes open for it.

That's great, thanks. I will be on campus for the rest of the night, so if it comes, could you just put it on my kitchen table for me?

That's no problem at all. How did you break it?

Oh, I dropped in in a bathtub full of water.

You what? I have never heard a story like that before!

Haha, I know, I'm clumsy. I was cleaning the feet of the little girl I nanny 'cause she was all muddy. It was in my back pocket and it fell out.

Ohhhhh, that's what happened. I thought you were going to tell me a story all about candles and rose petals and romantic stuff....

... Uh... oh, umm... nope. Just kids. Alright, well thanks again for watching our for my phone. Have a good night.

You too, girly!

This situation wouldn't have been awkward if it had been with a friend or a family member. But from my building's maintenance guy, someone I barely know to bring up assumptions of my romance life is just strange. Maybe I shouldn't have given him permission to go in my apartment...

Pictures at MuteMath

If you have never heard of the band MuteMath, do yourself a favor and look them up.  Soak in the goodness of their music.  Well, I first heard about this back about 4 or 5 years ago and this past Thursday, I went to their concert in Des Moines (this would be #3 for me).  Well, of course, awkwardness follows me to Des Moines.  The night was fairly normal overall.  My sister and I had driven the 2 hours AND had dinner and nothing out of the ordinary happened.  It was great.  The opening act, As Tall as Lions, started playing and they were pretty decent.  Well, the normalcy of this Thursday night didn't last much longer.  My sister and I were almost standing right in front so we had an awesome view of the stage.  We both have this theory that bass players are always the creepiest members of a band, and in terms of As Tall As Lions, we were still right.  I took her camera and tried getting a good shot of the lanky bass player when this huge guy in his mid-30's (who also wore sunglasses for most of the concert... weirdo) came right next to me and also started to take pictures of the band.  Well, I took a couple shots and they were funky colored and then I heard someone talking to me.  I looked to my left, and it was this guy.  I didn't understand him, so I asked, "Excuse me?"  He looks at me and says, "Yours are funny colored.  Mine are better." (showed me his pictures)  "Yeah... those are pretty good..." I replied.  "I took a good one of you too..." he says.  He shows me his camera again, and right there, is a picture of my facial profile lit up by the band lights.  EW.  I looked at him and said, "Why did you take a picture of me?" His answer? None. He just shrugged and started taking more of the band.   Why is it that I attract the biggest creepers? Why can't I just draw in men like Leonardo DiCaprio? Well, the rest of the concert, I stood way closer to my sister and avoided all other contact with him. Luckily he ended up moving after the opening act and NOT during MuteMath.

OH, and a special awkward shout out to my sister, Jackie.  We went to the Donut Stop yesterday so I could show her the goodness of late night South O and some old guy asked what kind of perfume she was wearing.  He wanted to buy it for "a lady friend"... She is convinced it only happened cause I was there... well, she's probably right.

Ultimate Frisbee Champ?! Well... It Depends on the Day.....

So, I guess you could say I am not that coordinated.  That actually might be an understatement.  But anyways, I have never really been that great at organized sports unless I am constantly in the action because I get bored too easily... Hello ADHD.  But, I do pride myself in one thing... and that is ULTIMATE FRISBEE.  An amazing sport.  Constant action, running, catching, the whole nine yards.  I would consider myself pretty decent of a player... especially considering I am really short.  But, sometimes, I get a little too cocky when we decide to play at youth group.  I start talking about how I am actually pretty good.  No one believes me of course, cause they are all used to the goofy, uncoordinated Beth that is around 99% of the time.  Well, of course I get defensive and think, "I'll show them!" Well, a couple of weeks ago at youth group, this is exactly how the night started. Me. Ego. Defensive.  Anyways, we started playing... and I probably shouldn't have even opened my big mouth.  Cause of course, the one night I am SO excited to play, I suck.  I was tripping every where.  I was dropping the easiest passes.  I was throwing off target and just NOT playing well.  NOT to mention, I fell down.  Twice.  One was a really excellent FACE PLANT and the second was running backwards to catch a pass in the end zone.  I biffed it on this mini hill.  Another? I almost ran into a tree.  I really am NOT this bad... I have no problem admitting when I suck at something, but this was just embarrassing.  Now, people will probably pick me last to be on the team... that's what I get for talking smack... after that, everything goes downhill (literally...).

4 second rule = IDIOTIC

Every Wednesday after junior high youth group, all of the leaders go to either Applebees or Cheeseburger in Paradise for half off appetizers.  It is a beautiful tradition. Well, on this one particular summer Wednesday, I was having a horrible day.  I was just in a bad mood... one of those moods that anything little will set you off.  Not to mention, I think this was the night Alex Hall dropped Queso on my pants.  I wanted to vomit (I HATE cheese, for any of you who do not know...).  Okay, anyways, so we finish up our little appetizer time and I start driving home.  Well, I live about 30 minutes from church, so it is quite a trek.  Well, I was on 1-80 and about 4 miles from my exit, I see a K-9 unit police SUV start driving next to me... Yes, those are the drug bust police cars.  AWESOME.  I hate cops so I make sure I am driving the speed limit. A mile before my exit, I get stuck behind a semi going ten under the speed limit... But with the stupid cop still near me, of COURSE I am not going to try and speed up enough to pass him.  Well, as soon as I am about to get onto my exit, yep, you guessed it, Mr. K-9 turns on his lights. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.  My bad day turned HORRIBLE.  I angrily got out all my registration and insurance crap cause I knew he was going to ask for it.   I look to my window and there he is... just waiting for me... jerk. I roll down my window and I hand him all the information he asked for. Now, here is how the rest of the conversation went: 

Where are you headed?

Home.

Where's home?

14th and Jackson.

Where are you coming from?

I know this may sound cliche, but youth group.

Have you been drinking tonight?

.... What? No! I just came from youth group.

Okay, you just need to calm down.

Umm... I AM calm!

Do you know why I pulled you over?

No idea, actually.

It's really loud on the road, do you mind coming into my vehicle to talk more?

Really?

Yes.

... ugh, Alright.

(Get out and go to his car. He starts looking up all my info on his little computer while his German shepherd in the back seat is smelling me from behind his little panel thing...)

Who is Dennis Cavender?

My dad.

Why are you all the way in Nebraska if you are from Illinois?

I go to school at Creighton.

Oh great, what are you studying?

Art and Education.

So why were you out west again?

I told you, I work with a youth group and I was just driving home from it.

What church?

Stonebridge Christian Church. 156th and Maple.

Have you been drinking tonight?

No. You want the youth pastor's name and phone nu

mber to confirm?

No, that won't be necessary. Have you been pulled over before?

Yes, sir.

Do you know why I pulled you over?

... No.

You were following too closely to the semi in front of you.

... That's a law?

Have you ever heard of the 4 second rule?

Sounds familiar... but I'm not sure. What is it?

You watch a car pass a landmark, count to 4, and then you pass the landmark.  That's how spaced out you should be.

I thought that was more of a safety thing...

And you have not been drinking tonight?

Ummm.... NO.

Well, I guess this time, I will give you a verbal warni

ng. Next time, watch your spacing.

Okay... Thanks...?

Dumb cop just looking for a drink driver. And have you ever done that 4 second thing? Honestly, that is SOOOO much space. No one follows t

hat "rule". 

How do you say 'kiss' in french?

So, this summer, I was driving down 13th street heading home from... something... meh, I don't remember what it was.  Well anyways, I was literally two blocks from my apartment when the truck in front of me stopped really fast.  Luckily I was far enough away to stop a major collision, but, bad news, I still hit him.  When I did, I started FREAKING out.  I was thinking to myself, "Great, Beth, you IDIOT. Now you are going to have to pay for the damage, have to deal with your parents yelling at you, have to deal with the stupid police and insurance companies, blah blah blah..." Like I said... Freaking.  Well, the guy I hit (in a junky old pick up truck) kept on driving... ummm... what? I rolled down my windows, and motioned him to pull over.  I didn't know if I had done any damage, and as much as I would have liked to forget that I even hit him, I couldn't.  We needed to settle this and get things looked at.  Well, he pulled over on Jackson, RIGHT in front of my apartment.  I got out and walked over to his car and was looking at the back of his truck.  The foot step part was a little bent down, but other than that, everything looked okay.  I looked at my car and the only thing that was damaged was that my license plate was a little bent.  Seriously, this was LUCKY.  Well, the guy got out of his truck, started looking at it, and I started apologizing like I have never apologized before.  Seriously.  I was groveling.  After a few minutes of silence and a couple of blank stares from his part, I realize, "oh... this guy doesn't speak English."  He was Hispanic... and as for me? I know about three words in Spanish.  NOT IDEAL.  Well, he's looking at the foot step and I offer to call the police if wanted to file a report.  Immediately he looks at me and says, "No, no, no.  No police." Well, okay then, if you insist.  I ask him if he wants my insurance, and I show him my card.  He says, in very broken English, "No. Not bad. Fifty dollars."  All he wants is fifty dollars? Seriously? I could do that... I had $50 cash on me if that would take away this mess.  Even though the damage to his truck didn't look bad, you know how mechanics are... they overcharge for everything.  Anyways, I continue to apologize and ask him if there is anything I can do.  He tells me, "No, it's okay."  I thank him for his kindness and understanding.  He smiles at me and then walks over to my car, investigating any damage.  He looks at my license plate and asks, "You are not from Omaha? Illinois?" I told him how I was here in Omaha for school at Creighton.  I was willing to chat for a little bit... I mean, I did hit the guy and he let me off.  He told me how he was taking English classes at a local community college.  It took him a long time to say what he was trying to say.  He corrected himself often, thought hard about his word choices, and when I answered him, it took him a few moments to process my response.  He asked me if I spoke Spanish.  I told him no, but I speak a little bit of French.  He says, "Oh... how... how do you say 'kiss' in French?"... Ummmm, WHAT?! Did I understand you alright? Did you just ask me how to say 'kiss'?  He was giving me a goofy little glare, and I say, "Oh, umm... do you means keys?" (imagine me at this time holding up my keys...) He laughs and says, "No. KISS (makes a pucker)." Well, of course I laugh my "nervous" laugh and I said no.  Well, the rest of the 40 MINUTES (really? 40 minutes? WAY too long...) he was trying to talk to me, he asked me about my family, my home in Chicago, if I wanted to go salsa dancing that night (I said no, duh) and if I had a boyfriend... Now, normally, I don't lie about having a boyfriend, BUT in this case I did.  I just said, oh, yeah, big guy. Plays American Football.  So after having to endure that painfully awkward conversation, I finally was let loose from the man whom I hit, who then proceeded to hit on me... this WOULD happen...

Leo... you trickster...

So, back in January, my car (his name is Leo... YES, after Leonardo DiCaprio) got broken into.  The little stealer smashed in my passenger side window and stole 1) an eyelash curler 2) my insurance card... which is useless for them, really... 3) a couple of mixed cds that I made a long time ago and 4) my glasses case. I even had clothes, shoes, my iPod converter, and my iPod in my car... along with a TON of cds... way to choose wisely you stupid culprit.  ANYWAYS, of course I had to get my window replaced.  Well, it got fixed and a few months ago, my passenger side door wouldn't open from the inside.  I wondered if maybe when they replaced my window, they weakened a connector or something to the handle.  When I got my door checked out, the guy told me that I was right in my conclusion.  It looked like the window guy didn't connect something in the process of putting my interior door frame back on and the handle connectors (or whatever they are called) weakened and just needed to be reconnected.  He didn't even make me pay because it was "their fault".... NICE! Well, I thought everything was fixed, when a few weeks ago, my passenger side window would roll up or down.  REALLY?! I feel like the minute I get one thing fixed, another thing breaks down.  Well, then I realized that my window was cracked open a little bit.  Uh oh. It even rained before I went to go get my window looked at.  A good inch of water at the bottom of my car... NOT SO NICE.  Well, I called and made an appointment with a glass/window company out west.  I took in my car and sat in the waiting room.  The owner of the company came out and sat with me.  He was super nice and really great- We were just chatting about Creighton, about our majors, about his journey to owning a glass company, and so on and so forth.  Well, in the middle of our conversation, one of the workers comes out from the back door, looks at me and says, "Miss Cavender? Could you come back here with me for a second?" I followed him to the back where he proceeded to tell me that Leo was fine.... Excuse me? Ummm, no, he's not.  His window won't go up or down.  "Well," he says, "it would be hard to roll up or down when you have the window lock button on..."  [[Insert me turning bright red and saying, "You have GOT to be kidding me?! Are you serious?!]] He started laughing and then starting rolling the window up and down.  So good news, my car was fine and I got it all checked out... but, bad news? I am an idiot and took it into a maintenance guy to tell me that I simply pressed a button which then locked me window.  I hope I never have to go back there... just so I will quit being so embarrassed....

Workin' on my Fitness!

Like I have mentioned on numerous occasions, I'm clumsy.  Ignoring this known fact about myself, I thought it would be a good idea to train for a half-marathon.  I kind of suck at running, so I definitely needed a head start to help train my body.  I started "training" in April... (right now, "training" means running at least a few times a week just to get used to running being a part of my weekly habits).  

Let's look at the Beth Half Marathon Training Equation shall we?:

Beth + Clumsiness + Running + Outdoors + Gyms + "unobservantness" = Disaster

Here are a few good stories from my running experiences so far:

1.  I ran into a bush.  I was doing just great on this particular run... before this occurrence.  I was feeling really good, I just got used to running outside and figuring out a good pace, it was a day I was suppose to run farther than I ever had, and I was making great time.  Well, I had just a couple of blocks left to complete.  I was still feeling really good and thought I could run a little further, so I decided to take a different route downtown.  Well, I turned a corner, and there was a bush.  Just right there.  I ran into it, tripped over it, stumbled and almost fell on my face.  I stopped for a second, looked up, and across the street, there was a little deli place where people were eating lunch outside.  Of course people started laughing.  Let's just say, I ran faster than ever after that.  I had some good scrapes to prove it too!

2. Geese chased after me.  For those of you who know the downtown Omaha area, I like to run around the ConAgra lake.  Well, during the day, the lake is filled with ducks and geese... really BIG ducks and geese.  Normally, they just chill out and watch me as a pass by.  But one day, I was taking a little rest and just walking.  Well, I realized I walked right next to a Goose nest, and the next thing I knew, a stupid goose started honking at me (most obnoxious sound ever) and Geese started chasing me after me.  I never realized how violent they are... I ran away and now, whenever I pass by Geese, I run a little bit faster.

3. A couple weeks ago, I started to get shin splints and my right ankle (which I dislocated freshman year in high school) started to flare up.  My beginners training for the Lincoln half marathon was put on a hold for a little bit while I stretched and used the elliptical.  Well, today, I got back into running.  I decided to go to the Harper Center gym since I was already on campus (and they have an amazing facility).  Well, I don't go in there very often because I usually just run outside or use my apartment's fitness center, but I did my little routine: Stretch, walk, run, walk, stretch, weights, stretch.  Since the flu is going around, I decided to go to the bathroom to wash my hands when I was done.  So, I walk into the bathroom... and I see a urinal... I pause there for a second, the light-bulb turns on, and I run out.  Totally walked into the men's room.  I am not sure if anyone saw me...

Working out and running, average things to do, even turn awkward and ridiculous.  Love my life...

"Congratulations!"

I'm sure all of you girls remember, but a couple of years ago, baby doll dresses (which looked very similar to maternity dresses) were in style.  Well, I found a dress at New York & Company I really liked.  Abstract floral print, baby doll, empire waist, pleaded, the whole enchilada.  Super cute, basically.  Well, one fateful Sunday, about a month after I bought this dress, I wore it to Church back at home.  Girl friends complimented me, and I was thinking in my head, Yeah! This dress is awesome! Great buy, Beth! After the service, I walked over to the coffee bar, got some water, and an older woman comes up to me, grabs me by side, puts one hand on my stomach, and says, "Congratulations! When are you due?..."

...................

...................

.... Excuse me? 

I looked her in the eye, with both disgust and embarrassment saying, "Oh... I'm not pregnant..."  She just looked at me and said, "Oh, well you don't see those kind of dresses on many women who are not pregnant... cute though..." [woman walks away]

Self esteem went from a 9 to a -112.