Ski School

I am currently in Steamboat, Colorado skiing with my family.

You could say that I don't always have the best luck with ski trips. When I was in seventh grade, I broke my wrist in three different places while sledding... three days BEFORE our Christmas ski trip. Result? A week of staying in our condo watching moral court tv with my Grandma while everyone else enjoyed the beautiful mountains. Three years ago, we went to our house in Palisade, Colorado (Western side of the mountains). I decided to snowboard... andddd that wasn't so good. Feeling confident, I decided to go down the mountain with the rest of my family... Roughest run of my life. Exhausted and frustrated, I caught an edge wrong and slipped backwards, slamming my head on ice. Result? A concussion and two sick days. Senior year on a youth group ski trip to Devil's Head, WI, I wasn't paying attention while on a lift. Result? Everyone else getting off just fine and me falling off, face first into the snow right in front of the lift. I was only "slightly" embarrassed when the lift operator had to stop the entire lift to help me up. There have also been numerous minor injuries and dozens of bruises. But, I am sure that none of this surprises you...

Well, I hope I am not speaking too quickly, but this ski trip has been relatively good for me! After not having skied for a few years, I would say I'm doing quite well. I have had a couple of good falls, but nothing too serious. Overall, I am just sore, but that's common. And maybe my new helmet helps out just a little bit.

Even though no serious injuries have developed (yet...), awkwardness still followed me to Colorado.

Yesterday, I went skiing with my sisters and their husbands while my dad stayed behind to take a day off. We were on our third run or so when every pulled to the side of the run to rest for a second. I, however, missed the memo that we were all going to stop, and being on the other side of the run, I didn't have time to cross over to stop with them. I kept skiing down and stopped in front of one of those "SLOW" banners. Well, the blue run we were on collided with a green run... so naturally, there were people of various of ski abilities that ended up on the same mountain at some point. When I stopped by that sign, I noticed a little girl, probably about six years old, next to me. One by one, other six year olds started flying down the green run and stopped right next to the little girl. After about two minutes, I looked behind me, and there were eight or nine five-six year olds surrounding me. They were either friends or in the same ski school is what it looked like... but I didn't see any instructor. I look up the mountain to where my sisters and brother-in-laws were and they were sitting there, staring at me, and laughing hysterically.

I apparently either 1) Looked like the mother of the flock of little children, 2) Looked like the ski instructor, or 3) Looked like one of them.

I looked around me again and all the little kids were staring at me. I didn't really know what to say so I just asked them how their day was and if they were having fun. Luckily, I didn't stay too much longer by that sign and with all the kids. But, my family did laugh at me for the remainder of the day.

Just picture that sight in your mind... Me. Surrounded by a herd of little ski children. Hanging out together at the bottom of the ski run. Nice.

Next time, I'll try to be a little more aware of when my group is stopping so I don't have to look like a child, a mother, a ski instructor, or just an adult who is so bad at skiing I had to be in a class with five and six year olds.

A Great Sister

This one is short... but enjoyable nonetheless.

Friday night after work, I went to my good friend James' going away party. Naturally, it was Christmas themed, so I busted out my sweater/80's dressy top (sequined Holly flowers/leaves EVERYWHERE). I knew I couldn't stay long because I had to get up super early the next morning because I was driving home. I stayed for about an hour, had a good time, left, and got into my car. I looked at my phone and realized I had missed a call from my sister Jackie. It was kind of late, so I decided not to call her back.

The next day, as I was driving home, I get a call from Jackie. SHOOT, I forgot to call her back, even after I listened to the voicemail she left me. I answered, "Hi sister... I saw you called, sorry I didn't call you back last night!"

Her response? "Wow, you're alive! Why didn't you call me back? Were you out drinking and acting like a ho?"

......... Thanks, Jackie. Obviously, we have a really great relationship :)

WHAT?!

It's been almost a MONTH?! WHAT?! I know, I know, sorry for keeping y'all out of the 'awkward' loop... since I know you're all dying to know what situations have come up...

Well, here is a brief look into the various awkward situations that have conveniently found me over the past month:

1. I was peed on. YEP. The littlest girl I nanny got mad at me one day for not making crappy little cupcakes on her poser easy bake oven. When she gets bossy or whiney, I have this routine of making a tally count on the white board in the kitchen, and when she hits 3, she gets a time out. She got to 3, and since she hates when I put her in timeout, she thought peeing when I was carrying her to her room would be a better idea. I made her clean it up.

2. I was begged by my mom, for the fifth time, to go out on a date with an old "friend"... if you know the details of certain events or the individual himself, you would think it was awkward too. Plus, old flings should just be no-go's.

3. I got marriage counseling from the kids I nanny. They asked if I was married. I said no, naturally, and they told me I better hurry up or no guy would like me because I was getting too old... then the oldest, Joslyn, told me that if I waited too long to have kids, they would come out looking like monkeys... what are they teaching in public schools these days!?

4. I sat in Burnt sienna oil paint one day in the art studio. Luckily, I had a second pair of jeans in my car, so I left to go out to get them. Walking down the hallway, I run into three of my art professors and chat with them a little bit. I go, get my pants, and take them to go change. I run into one of the professors again, her being my advisor, and she stops me. "Beth, if you needed a tampon, you could have asked me..." So, apparently, her and the other professors thought I had my period and was leaking. Blushing like CRAZY, I had to awkwardly explain to her that the suspected menstrual blood was, in fact, burnt sienna paint. Why I get into these types of situations in the art room, I don't know.

5. At work, I helped a 70-something year old couple find lingerie. Okay, now, here's the thing. If I'm married, and both my husband and I are still living, YEAH I hope we are still having sex, DUH. But it's a completely different situation when you are trying to find intimate apparel for others... Old people PDA...

6. Yesterday, after a huge ice storm and lots of freezing rain mixed with all the snow from last week's snow storm, I fell. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. 8 times to be exact. That's got to be a record. None of the falls were bad... but I did run into like 5 cars trying to catch myself. Creighton University's campus was a day-long ice skating rink...

Well, those are a few updates from the past month! Hopefully I will be better about updating them more regularly :)

Have an amazingly awkward day!

The Naked Cowboy and Brokeback Mountain

Being an art major, I LOVE art classes. My favorite class? Life Drawing. If you aren't sure what this is, it's when you draw naked people. Live, naked models... yep... naked... so mature. And no, I don't like it just 'cause their naked. I just think the human body is incredible. And I love drawing. So there.

Well, I'm in my third semester of life drawing. We currently have three models: one female and two males. They alternate days when they model, but one of the male models has been modeling for this class for about 6 years. Because I have been drawing him for awhile, I have gotten to know him. Not in an awkward way, but he's just a really good guy... Okay... ANYWAYS, this semester, a different professor, Amy Nelson, is teaching the course compared to John Thein, who normally teaches it. She is more liberal than the John in just everything she does. Her drawing approaches, her techniques, her advice, and just the way she has us artistically interact with the models. John is more formal and traditional with how he says we should draw the models, but Amy wants us to more creatively approach the models and the ways in which we represent them.

So, on Tuesday in Life Drawing, I show up, get my charcoal, drawing board, and paper all set up, and in comes the model (the one I know the best and have been drawing for awhile). Nothing is different, he's just wearing his robe, but I see he's carrying a bag. I remember that Amy said that he could bring in props for the next class to use during poses. Well, I couldn't tell what he had with him, but I didn't really think much else of it. I made my coffee, walked back to my easel, and was ready to draw. When I looked up to begin drawing the model, that's when I saw them. His props. What were they? A cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Yes... you read that correctly. There the model was... completely naked except for wearing the hat and the boots...

I seriously didn't know how to react. So, naturally, I started laughing hysterically. At the beginning of the class on the very first day, all the students get a huge lecture from the professor about being professional and respectful of the models. Me laughing? Not that respectful and professional. But really? A male model (who also happens to gay) wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and cowboy boots? How professional is THAT? Well, after receiving a few responsive glares from the beginning students as a result of my outburst, the model looked at me and just starts laughing too.

It was all just absurd. Luckily I didn't make a complete jerk out of myself, but that drawing session gave an awkward new meaning to Brokeback Mountain.

Chlamydia

::ATTENTION ALL CREIGHTON STUDENTS::

If you choose to go to Reinhart-Alumni Library to study, do homework, or socialize, beware of who you sit next to. You never know when you will sit next to a fellow student googling Chlamydia. Whether it's for academic or personal use, I do NOT want to know.

Retail Nightmares and Mystery People

I have been working retail for the past four years of my life. It’s definitely a love-hate relationship. I hate the low pay and crappy hours, but I love working with people. I love just talking with random customers and getting to know my co-workers. AND Retail, I must say, is one of the best jobs to have if you enjoy people watching… which is perfect, because I LOVE people watching. I have seen some pretty hilarious things and met some really odd people… and, to no surprise, I have encountered numerous awkward situations. Here are some of my favorite (and most awkward) retail moments:

1. Working at Francesca’s Collections the summer after my senior year of high school in Highland Park, IL. If you don’t know much about Highland Park, I will just tell you now that most of the people who live there are Jewish. Rich Jewish people. Well, I am not Jewish and it never occurred to me that this factor would ever be an important factor with my job. One particularly busy day, I was helping out numerous customers at once, and one of them was looking for a Bat Mitzvah gift for her daughter’s friend. I was scrambling around gathering different necklaces and she looks at me and says, “Well, what did you get for your Bat Mitzvah?” Hmmm… “Oh, I never had a Bat Mitzvah.” A look of utter confusion passed over her face. “What? You never had a Bat Mitzvah?” “Oh, no, I didn’t, I’m not Jewish.” “You’re not Jewish...? Then… why do you work at Francesca’s?” I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was some rule that I had to be Jewish to work in a town that just happens to be inhabited by mostly Jewish people. I didn’t know what to say because I was utterly confused by her question. Then she asked who was Jewish in the store so they could help her find the perfect gift… hmmm. Bat Mitzvah fail.

2. Francesca's Collections: Summer 2007... a 12 year old kid asked for my number. fml.

3. Working at Forever 21: Summer 2008. Probably the most ghetto job ever and one of the most ghetto Forever 21 stores ever, but the stories are pretty awesome. One guy I worked with, Fabian, probably has 4 kids and he is my age. One of his baby mamas was actually my co-head cashier so her and I got pretty close after a while. Well, one day at work, I walk in, go right to the back room to lock up my stuff, and Fabian walks in. No joke, this kid hits on EVERYBODY that first starts out there. He sits at the table right next to the lockers and just looks at me. This next conversation isn't precisely word-for-word, but pretty close for how I remember it. What's goin' on, girl? Oh nothing really, just preparing for a long day. I really don't wanna be here. Yeah, it's been slow... so, what are you doin' later tonight? Well, I work till close so I won't be out of here till 11:30 or so. Yeah, girl, I hear ya, but what 'bout after that? Just going home. How 'bout coming to my house? Why? Are people going over? Nah, girl, just thought it could be you and me. You know... getting to know each other. Sorry, no, I can't. You aren't going to get rid of me this easy... and he walks out. Sorry Fabian, I didn't want to hang out. And I'm not ready to be a mom. And you're sketchy. So no. Never. Ever.

4. Forever 21: Summer 2008. Fabian... again... but this time, he wasn't hitting on me. He was working in the back of the store doing some maintenance stuff. I am at the registers at the front of the store and I see this little hispanic girl walk in just looking like she wants to kill someone. She looks around frantically and then comes up to me and asks where Fabian is. I point her to the back and she walks super fast in that direction. The store wasn't too busy and there was already someone else on the register so I decided to step away to see what is going on. When I follow the girl back to Fabian, she is screaming at him. All I hear is a lot of cuss words and Baby Mama, cheatin', and Baby Daddy. She starts hitting him and he's calling her a crazy B. It was seriously like watching a car wreck. I couldn't get my eyes off of this specular. It was a real fight and I hadn't seen one in SO long. I forget something that she said while they were fighting, but I thought it was hilarious. Well, I think the fact that I laughed out loud pissed her off, 'cause she turned around and looked at me and asked if I had a problem. At this point, I just don't want her to knife me. Luckily, the managers and security got her out right after she said that to me. I almost saw my life flash before my eyes... no, but seriously, if she took a swing at me, I totally would have fought back.

5. Forever 21: Summer 2008 (yeah there are a LOT). So, Forever 21 has a small lingerie department... it's tacky, and gross, and cheap. But, for some reason, it was all pretty popular among the shoppers. Well, guys don't really go into the store very often... unless they are either 1) with their wives/girlfriends or 2) looking for a gift for their wives/girlfriends. I love helping out male customers 'cause they seriously never have any clue what to get their significant others. Well, one day, I saw a 20-something year old guy wandering around the lingerie department looking lost and confused. As much as I would rather help customers find... well, actual CLOTHING, I knew that I should help him. I asked him if he needed any help and he went on this whole schpeel about how it's his and his girlfriend's 2 year anniversary and he wants to find her a "special" gift. Awkward. Well, I am trying to help him find some things and throughout the entire ordeal, he continues to ask me personal questions, like which things I like the best, my size, what I would want to get from my boyfriend, ect, ect... hmmm... 20 minutes of this and we eventually find something that he thinks will work. He asks me to hold it up to me so he can look at it "better". I continue to hold it out and he tells me that she is about the same size as I am so he just wants to make sure it looks okay. Yuck.

6. Working at Nouvelle Eve: Summer 2009. This is a high-end women's boutique I currently work at. Well, Saturday mornings in the summer downtown are always really busy because of the Farmer's market and how popular our store actually is. The store itself has a lot of "stuff" in it. A lot of merchandise, clothing racks, shelves, and display cases. Sometimes, it is seriously like a maze just maneuvering in and out of the plethora of clothing articles. I always bump into corners and clothing racks. One one busy Saturday, I was busy helping a couple of different customers. In a rush to get a few items from the back, I turned from the register pretty fast, walked quickly to the side, and ran STRAIGHT into the glass door of one of our Jewelry cases that was left open. Seriously, I ran directly into it. I didn't even know it was there. The entire store turns and starts laughing. I turn bright red and of course giggle awkwardly and start making fun of myself to lighten my embarrassment. But then, I turn to the side and I see people staring at me. See, right next door to Nouvelle Eve is M's, a pub/restaurant. There is a window in between our store and their restaurant so you can see right through... well, that window was right next to the jewelry case I had just ran into and people in M's who were trying to enjoy their lunch got entertainment as well. Thank to me and my clumsiness. Those observers/diners started laughing. I am glad I was not only able to make a fool out of myself in front of my customers and co-workers, but also to complete strangers just trying to enjoy a lunch at M's. I'm just happy I didn't completely knock down the jewelry case and break it.

7. Nouvelle Eve: this past Friday night. So, there is a Creighton student that looks almost exactly like my friend Alex except that he has a little lighter hair. I see him randomly around campus and I always try to take a picture, but he is normally either walking in front of me or he's too far away. Well, this past Friday night, I was working and Alex's Creighton twin walks in with his girlfriend. YES I thought. I text Alex to tell him and he tells me I should take a picture. BRILLIANT. Finally, I'll be able to prove this kid exists. Well, while another sales associate was helping his girlfriend find a sweater, I decide to try and take a picture nonchalantly. Well, he was in the PERFECT position, so I pull out my phone and try to be secretive. Well, as soon as I am about to press the 'capture' button, he turns and see me with my phone. I, automatically am flustered and blushing like crazy. But also, I have awful reflexes, so instead of just putting away my phone, I accidentally proceed to press 'capture' WHILE pulling down and hiding my phone. But, instead of my phone quietly taking a blurry picture of nothing, the sound was on and a giant *click* filled the room. He totally just saw me try to take a picture of him... and the camera sound just proved it. I awkwardly, pretend to look things up on the computer after this happens. The rest of the time this kid and his gf were there, he was as far away from me as possible... and his girlfriend bought an AWFUL sweater. Ugh, awkward. I hope I never see him on campus ever again.

These are only a few examples from my retail escapades... I am sure there will be more... With me, it's unavoidable.

Hola... Yeah, I don't speak Spanish...

I am currently finishing up some observation hours at Marrs Magnet School in South Omaha. South O is primarily inhabited by Hispanic populations, so therefore, most South O schools have a lot of kids in them that speak Spanish as their first language.

I don't speak spanish. At all. Okay, I might know like 10 words, but that's seriously it. Probably the worst life decision ever to take French for 8 years of my life. I really like being at Marrs Magnet. I really have liked the kids overall and my cooperating teacher is pretty good. Well, when I went into the school and classroom this morning, I walked in on a class of kids I had never seen before. Doing observation hours is always a little awkward because not all the kids get to see you and know you, and also, you don't really have much say in the classroom. Well, I walk in and get stares from 25 6th grade strangers... Oh... Hello.

The entire morning, I am walking around and helping kids with their current drawing projects. There are three boys in particular that are especially chatty. I try to give them the stare down, but that didn't work. Every time I glance up, they are looking at me and talking to one another. After about 5 or 10 minutes of this going on, I finally walk over to them and ask them to stop talking. Of course they are not going to listen to me, they have never seen me before. They start talking in Spanish and laughing and giggling at me.

I am annoyed at this point. Okay boys, this is the deal, you are 11. When you talk, you still sound like you are 5 year old girls. You are about to experience zits and rejections from girls who REALLY don't want to date you. You are still in that awkward, post-child, chubby phase. Why are you laughing at me? I should be laughing at you.

I walk over to tell them a second time to get to work and stop talking. Their response? "Do you speak Spanish?" I said no... and immediately after I said that, I dreaded my response. I should have lied. I should have told them I was fluent. They grinned and started speaking openly in Spanish. Occasionally, students from around the class would turn around and laugh at their comments. I had NO idea what they were saying. I have never felt so taken advantage of for not speaking Spanish. All I know is I feel completely self-conscious at the fact all the kids were all laughing at those 3 boys' remarks...

I tried remembering some keys words that they said, but when I typed them into Google Translator, they weren't there... I probably spelled them completely wrong. Dang my life. I need to learn Spanish.