Middle School: PART I (Need I Say More?)

I just realized that I have never posted anything that highlights my time student teaching in my middle school!

Think back to middle school... the years of acne, braces, and awkwardly detailed sex ed classes. The times when a kid farted in class, everyone laughed, thus keeping them distracted for the rest of the class period. The years of raging hormones and efforts of self-discovery. Seriously though, middle school sucked. I know I was awkward... and even if you deny it, you were awkward too.

I have SO many stories to tell from my student teaching experience thus far. But, to save time, I am just going to write out some of my favorite moments, the most memorable quotes, and some little details about some of my students.

Here's the set up: I am teaching 7th, 8th, and 8th honors art at a local lower income public school. Most kids are African American. I have a lot of ESL (English as a Second Language) and ELL students. They are basically all taller than I am.

Teryn: Miss Cavender, what was your first job?

Me: I was a swim instructor and a lifeguard.

Devont'ae: Yeah, that seems fitting for you.

Me: How is that?

Devont'ae: I mean, you seem like... well, you're in shape... I mean you look like you have the figure for it... like you look good, I mean in shape... (stammering and stuttering through this)

Me: .......

Jack: Wow, Devont'ae. Tell us how you really feel.

Jack: Why are your eyes white?

Me: They aren't white.

Jack: Yeah they are.

Me: You're in art class, what color are my eyes?

Jack: ... white.

Me: ... And I have failed as your art teacher.

Me: Megan, how was visiting your twin in Minneapolis this weekend? (her and her sister were separated at birth and just got in contact.. crazy but true.)

Megan: Good! We had fun.

Me: Are you two anything alike?

Megan: Well, not really... she likes to play outside and I don't...

Me: ... oh... anything else that's different?

Megan: ... well, she likes dogs and I don't.

Me: Well, I guess I could see how that would be difficult.

Tyreshia: You's a party girl, ain't you?

Me: Why did you even bring that up? Get back to work, please.

Tyreshia: Yeah you isssss... you is craaaaaaaazy. You be on one of those party block shows. Hollaaaaa.

Brandon: Miss Cavender, what is the chance of one of your students getting your number?

Me: One in a million.

Brandon: So you're saying there's a chance?

Me: Um, absolutely not... wait, did you just quote 'Dumb and Dumber'?

Brandon: Yep.

Me: Nice.

Capria: Miss Cavender?

Me: Yes Capria?

Capria: If I tell you something, do you promise not to get mad?

Me: Um, it depends on what it is...

Capria: ... Okay, well I'll just tell you anyways... your clothes don't match.

Levi: I can blow bubbles out of my eyes... WANNA SEE?!

Me: Ew, no.

Levi: Too bad, I am showing you anyways.

Scott and RD: Miss Cavender, it's 4/20.

Here's a story about one of my favorite students named Mason. He is kind of the loner, artsy type. He listens to hardcore music and is always really good in class. He he almost a black belt in some kind of karate or martial arts. Kind of on the small side and not really one of the popular kids. I guess he had been being kind of bullied for awhile. Well, last week, he was gone Monday thru Thursday... 4 days gone is obviously due to a suspension. I later found out that I guess after school the previous Friday, that bully started to tease Mason again. Mason I guess just had enough and beat the CRAP out of this 5'11 8th grader. I am not a big fan of fighting, but to be honest with you, I am pretty gosh dang proud of Mason. I laughed for about 5 minutes straight when I found this out... and I really just want to give him a high five... but I know that would not be very professional...

Okay, more stories and quotes to come... I have TONS... it's just my battery is dying and I don't have my charger with me. Look for PART II soon.

Skirt + Wind = .....

Yep. You guessed it.

This post is pretty short due to the immense embarrassment I am trying to endure while also keeping it low key.

It has been absolutely GORGEOUS in Omaha these past few days. I am talking 80's. SO NICE. Well, I got back from school today and decided to change into a new skirt I just bought before I had to go to work. I am really lucky that I work just a few blocks from my apartment, so no matter the weather, I walk. Well, today was no exception. I was walking to work... in my new short linen skirt. Well, I obviously wasn't thinking because today was especially windy. I was trying my best to hold down my skirt as I was walking to work, but as I was crossing one of the main streets in the old market, I dropped my cell phone, and I reached to get it. Well, me reaching for my phone equaled me letting go of my skirt. Yep... skirt flew up. On one of the main streets in the Old market. Right about dinner time. In 80 degree weather. Well, I quickly pulled it down and pretended like it didn't happen.... cause really, I didn't want to draw attention to myself... or acknowledge how many people saw this event... and I am fully aware that people DID see this.

Well, about half an hour later, as I am walking around and organizing some of the clothes in the store. I get to the lingerie section, which is by one of our big windows. Three boys walk by, glance at me, look at each other, then walk back right to the window near where I was standing. They point to the underwear... and then me... and then give me a thumbs up. Creeps. I shook my head and they just smiled cooly and walked away.

I am guessing they saw this unfortunate event before work. I wanted to die.

Gas Station Bathroom

I'm a very visual person... so right now I am going to paint you a picture with my words. The following description is my experience in a random, middle-of-nowhere Kansas, gas station:

Two gas pumps. Gas station sign falling off the front of the building. No other cars in sight. So glad that I pay at the pump at this point. I walk into the small building to buy a water and use the bathroom. Inside, there are three men... picture the greasiest, sloppiest, stereotypical rapist type, and those are what these men looked like. I really wish someone was with me. I go to the bathroom, which is unisex. DIRTIEST bathroom I have ever seen. No toilet seat. Suspicious fluids all over the floor. I REALLY have to go... but I almost would rather pee in a bottle. I still choose toilet. Instead of toilet paper, a box of kleenex. While washing my hands, I look over at the wall and notice the condom and lube dispenser. Awesome... I'm in the room of bacteria and STD's. I walk out, go over to get a water and notice they don't even have any water. I ask one of the men at the counter, "Do you have any water?" His response, "They are slow on delivering the bottled water, but we have tap water if you want that." Immediately, I say, "No that's okay, don't worry about it." I didn't want to risk anyone drugging my water. I quickly walk to my car, look up at the building, notice the three men watching me, get in my car, lock my doors, and drive off.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Just Dance! (Thank you Lady Gaga)

I love music. And dancing. And singing. And my car, Leo.

So naturally, with this combination, I thoroughly enjoy dancing and singing loudly in my car to catchy music. I'm not even embarrassed by this.

Well, driving to youth group last night, I was listening to a mix one of my friends made me... it has some super catchy music on it! Obviously, I start singing and dancing like a fool. There I am, on the interstate, rocking out. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car driving pretty much evenly and at the same speed as me. I look over in the midst of my musical performance and he too is jammin'. I'm talking full on belting out and dancing. YESSSSS. This guy had to be in his late 20's. He glances over and then stopped dancing and singing, like he was super embarrassed to be caught. Well, I know how it feels to be looked at weird for rocking out while driving, so I gave him a big thumbs up and a big smile. He looks back over, sees my thumbs up, and starts laughing and smiles back. What do I do after this? I go back to my own dancing and singing, content with the fact that I relieved him from a sense of embarrassment or judgement. After a few seconds, I look back over at the man, and he is giving me a big thumbs down. He laughs and then drives away...

Umm... Who are you, man? I was trying to be nice by not making you feel like a fool and then you give ME a thumbs down?! Gosh dang it.

KIDS.

Haven't updated in awhile... but here, for your entertainment, are more stories about my elementary students -- things they have said and done. Well, I wish I had other stories to tell you, but I basically have a full time job and nothing better to talk about. Adult life sucks... at least little kids are pretty freaking entertaining.

• Davion, one of my kindergartners (and who is also on the bus I do bus duty for), told my cooperating teacher he was going to marry me. When some of the older kids on the bus told him that I was too old for him, he said, "Well, when I am 25, I am going to date and marry Miss Cavender." Great, so I'll be 41 when that all works out.
• On my birthday, "Miss Cavender! Happy Birthday! How old are you?!" "22." "Oh... I thought you were 17."
• Hugo, a fourth grader who is most likely gay (trust me on this one): "Miss C.... mmm girl, your shirt looks soooooo nice on youuuuuu. I love pink." Please be my best friend, Hugo.
• "Miss Cavender? Um, can um I um I go um to um to the um bathroom?" Little kids are even more inarticulate than I am. What a feat!
• During an oil pastel lesson in the first grade, I turned around after the helpers passed out all the art materials, and I see one little boy with two oil pastels sticking up his nose and two in his mouth like he was impersonating a walrus. Normally, teachers would look at him and say, "Excuse me, you need to take those out of your mouth and nose right now! You know better than that to stick those there!" Good thing I am not normal- What did I do? I walk over to him and say, "You know, the last little boy who did that was sneezing purple for a month and food never tasted the same." His response? Shock and awe and immediate removal of the oil pastel from his dirty little face. I win.
• "Miss Cavender, you should date my brother..." "How old is he?" "15." "... Get back to work."
• I was rushing to help one second grade class finish cleaning up because we were running pretty late. Well, I am super clumsy (who would have thought?!) and I ran into my art cart... and it fell over. Art supplies EVERYWHERE. I'm talking paint, pencils, markers, paper, brushes, everything. The kids response? Laughter. I'm a fool.
• I found a note written about me... helllooooooo referral form. My life is complete.
• Max, a third grader: "Miss Cavender, if I don't go to the bathroom right now, my bladder is going to explode." "You are being dramatic, you need to wait till class is done." "No I'm not, that's how my dad died..." "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!..." "HAHAHA, I can't believe you just fell for that!" "... Are you KIDDING me!? Get out. Go pee." I am kind of impressed my this eight year old's sarcasm... and by how gullible I really am.
• A kindergarten boy dropped an entire sheet of gluey paper on my pant leg... he just looked up at me with the most pathetic look in the world and said... "please don't be mad." Oh my goodness... SO precious. I could never be mad at that.
• I gave out chocolate to some girls who came in during their lunch to help me clean the art room. While eating it, one of the girls just had this disgusted look on her face. I asked what was wrong. "I hate chocolate." Why are you eating it then? "Because you gave it to me..." Okay, kid. First lesson... PEER PRESSURE.

I have so many stories. I am sure a lot of them I have forgotten, but don't worry, I still have one more week in the Elementary schools and then I move to junior high... THOSE will be some GREAT stories.

Cataracts

Story of the day:

So, since I am progressively taking over teaching duties in the classroom, my cooperating teacher thought it would be a good idea for me to start taking over her bus duties too... oh joy. Well, imagine me and my handy-dandy bud duty clipboard, walking through the hallways all bundled up and ready to conquer the mini blizzard outside, hoping that the buses would actually be able to take all these kids home. Well, I went to my assigned bus, and thank goodness, all the kids were there. One by one, I am checking their names off. One of my kindergarten students, Mariella, was sitting at the front of the bus right next to where I was taking attendance. She keeps looking at me all funny, so I look at her and just smile.

This is how the rest of the story/conversation went:

"Are you blind?" - Mariella

"Umm... what? No, I'm your art teacher and I am looking at you right now... I guess I don't understand." - Me

"Well... your eyes..." - Mariella

My guess is that because my eyes are light blue, she thought I had cataracts. She is Hispanic so she most likely has not spent too much personal time with people with light blue eyes...

Part of me wants to say thank you but another part of me is just genuinely confused... I've never been asked that before.

Huh... Welp, there's a first for everything...

Student Teaching Fiascos

Sorry I've been so bad about updating this blog! Student teaching has taken over my life... so I feel like I have very little time just to sit down and write about all my amazingly awkward events that inevitably present themselves in the two elementary schools I am at.

Here are some short stories to fill you in.

1. One of my special ed kids was playing with something in his hands while I was reading a book to their class. After I finished reading, he ran up to me and told me he had something to give me. He held out his hand, and I, mine. When I looked at my palm to see what he had left me, I see a tooth. He apparently just decided to pull it out during the story and was really proud to show it off. Or he thought I was the tooth fairy and he was expecting some money in return for his baby tooth.

2. Kids NONSTOP tell me how young I look or how short I am. How old are you? Really? You look like you're 16. How tall are you? My 14 year old brother is taller than you. Miss Cavender, why are you so short? It's not enough that I have been teased about my height my entire life, now I need to hear it from 6-12 year olds. Excellent.

3. I saw a kid poop on the floor of his classroom. And another one of my students got in trouble for pooping in a urinal. What is it with little boys (and I guess the male gender in general) and being WAY too open and proud of bodily functions and secretions? Stop it.

4. I am the "new teacher" in school... which according to the school staff means that little kids really like me... and little boys think I'm cute. A 6th grade boy stops by to visits me in my office everyday... and he gave me a plastic skull ring and a drawing of me that looked like a transvestite. Sorry, I am not very flattered that a 12 year old has a crush on me. All the teachers call me "Rookie" and make fun of me for being this semester's "new teacher"... Gosh dang.

5. I have written 6 referrals (basically these are bad reports that get sent to the principal and have to go home to get signed by parents if the student is acting out) and have made 2 kids cry. Oops....................... BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

6. Kids seriously say some of the funniest things. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

• (While making origami heart bracelets for Valentine's Day. One student, Cole, toward another student, Tiber, while they were working) "Hey Tiber... who's your Valentine?... You're MOM?!" My reaction? Uncontrollable laughter. Their facial expressions were priceless.
• "I have cramps..." - student Eliesha. "Dude, that's cause you're overweight." - student Trayvon "Trayvon, that was both incredibly rude and unnecessary!" - Me "No, it's okay Miss Cavender. I'm fat.... But at least I don't look like a donkey child."
• "WHAT THE F***?!" - Kindergartner Nytrelle
• "Miss Cavender, I think I'm going throw up..." - Derek, a first grade student with austism who fakes an illness EVERY class. "You look just fine to me, Derek."- Me "No, reallllllly, my stomach is going to fall outtttttt. (Screaming) I'M GONNA BARRRRFFFFF!" - Derek "... Derek, why are you shouting?" - Me "My stomach's mad so it's making my voice loud." - Derek
• "You smell like Peanut Butter, Miss Cavender... I likeeeeeee it." - student Aishya

Hopefully, I'll be more dedicated to updating this on a more regular basis.