KIDS.

Haven't updated in awhile... but here, for your entertainment, are more stories about my elementary students -- things they have said and done. Well, I wish I had other stories to tell you, but I basically have a full time job and nothing better to talk about. Adult life sucks... at least little kids are pretty freaking entertaining.

• Davion, one of my kindergartners (and who is also on the bus I do bus duty for), told my cooperating teacher he was going to marry me. When some of the older kids on the bus told him that I was too old for him, he said, "Well, when I am 25, I am going to date and marry Miss Cavender." Great, so I'll be 41 when that all works out.
• On my birthday, "Miss Cavender! Happy Birthday! How old are you?!" "22." "Oh... I thought you were 17."
• Hugo, a fourth grader who is most likely gay (trust me on this one): "Miss C.... mmm girl, your shirt looks soooooo nice on youuuuuu. I love pink." Please be my best friend, Hugo.
• "Miss Cavender? Um, can um I um I go um to um to the um bathroom?" Little kids are even more inarticulate than I am. What a feat!
• During an oil pastel lesson in the first grade, I turned around after the helpers passed out all the art materials, and I see one little boy with two oil pastels sticking up his nose and two in his mouth like he was impersonating a walrus. Normally, teachers would look at him and say, "Excuse me, you need to take those out of your mouth and nose right now! You know better than that to stick those there!" Good thing I am not normal- What did I do? I walk over to him and say, "You know, the last little boy who did that was sneezing purple for a month and food never tasted the same." His response? Shock and awe and immediate removal of the oil pastel from his dirty little face. I win.
• "Miss Cavender, you should date my brother..." "How old is he?" "15." "... Get back to work."
• I was rushing to help one second grade class finish cleaning up because we were running pretty late. Well, I am super clumsy (who would have thought?!) and I ran into my art cart... and it fell over. Art supplies EVERYWHERE. I'm talking paint, pencils, markers, paper, brushes, everything. The kids response? Laughter. I'm a fool.
• I found a note written about me... helllooooooo referral form. My life is complete.
• Max, a third grader: "Miss Cavender, if I don't go to the bathroom right now, my bladder is going to explode." "You are being dramatic, you need to wait till class is done." "No I'm not, that's how my dad died..." "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!..." "HAHAHA, I can't believe you just fell for that!" "... Are you KIDDING me!? Get out. Go pee." I am kind of impressed my this eight year old's sarcasm... and by how gullible I really am.
• A kindergarten boy dropped an entire sheet of gluey paper on my pant leg... he just looked up at me with the most pathetic look in the world and said... "please don't be mad." Oh my goodness... SO precious. I could never be mad at that.
• I gave out chocolate to some girls who came in during their lunch to help me clean the art room. While eating it, one of the girls just had this disgusted look on her face. I asked what was wrong. "I hate chocolate." Why are you eating it then? "Because you gave it to me..." Okay, kid. First lesson... PEER PRESSURE.

I have so many stories. I am sure a lot of them I have forgotten, but don't worry, I still have one more week in the Elementary schools and then I move to junior high... THOSE will be some GREAT stories.