Beef doors, obnoxious kids, and other absurdities.

I really need to be better at blogging on a more regular basis. Dang my frugalness and refusing to pay for internet in my apartment. Anyways, here is a small collection of some of my most recent awkward moments:

SOME MORE QUOTES FROM MY MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS (I just found these in one of my notebooks... I obviously did not want to forget about them):


Teryn: "Hey Miss Cavender, you wanna see my tattoo?"
Me: "You have a tattoo?"
Teryn: "Yeah, my mom paid for it." **Lifts up his sleeve and on his forearm, 'tattoo' is written in pen**... "Yep, She bought the pen."


Levi: "Miss Cavender, today, you look like an elf."
Mason: "How is that any different from any other day?"
Me: "Wow, that's rude."
Mason: "Good thing Christmas is my favorite holiday."
Levi: ".... I prefer Thanksgiving."


Camerion: "Can I have that portrait you just drew?"
Me: "No, I need it for an example when I actually start teaching my own classes. Why do you want it?"
Camerion: "What? Please? I promise I won't throw darts at it... I might draw a mustache though..."


Markerius: "I can't wait to get married."
Me: "Don't rush into anything, you have plenty of time."
Markerius: "Oh don't worry... I'm just always hungry and I need someone to make and bring me food."


A couple of unfortunate events that just happened at a recent Omaha Beef Game:


So, I was just leaning up against a wall next to the concession area eating a hot dog. My friends Alex and Ravi were in line to get more food so I just decided to stay out of the way and wait to the side. Well, literally 2 minutes after the boys get in line, some random guy comes up to me and says, "Hey, you sittin' with anyone at the game?" "Oh... ummm, yeah I am. Just waiting for them. They are in line." "Well, if you wanna escape and hang out with us (points at his homies), you are totally welcome to." "Thanks, but i'll pass." Really dude? You really thought that I attended Omaha Beef games alone? No thanks.


I have a horrible tendency to be really clumsy and fall into things. Ravi and Alex have a horrible tendency to be really obnoxious and push me around. Well, every time the Beef scored a touchdown, they would both push and shove me... it probably didn't help that I was sitting between them. Well, we decided to leave the game a little early. As we were walking through the hallway, the Beef scored again. Naturally, Ravi decided to shove me again... keeping up the tradition I guess. Well, he shoved me right into a door... as a man was walking out of it. I slammed into this opening door and the man on the other side gave me the most confused look ever. I awkwardly apologized as Rav and Al laughed at me. Thanks, great friends.



I LOVE DOWNTOWN OMAHA. MOST OF ALL, I LOVE ALL THE DIFFERENT RESTAURANTS AND PLACES TO GET TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS TO JUST CHILL. TED AND WALLY'S, A HOMEMADE ICE CREAM PARLOR, IS PARTICULARLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES. I WAS THERE WITH MY FRIENDS MOLLY AND KRISTIN, SAYING MY GOODBYES BEFORE KRISTIN MOVED AWAY. THIS IS A REAL CONVERSATION THAT OCCURED AT OUR GOODBYE SESSION:

Japanese kid (with an EXTREMELY heavy accent): "Um, excuse me, can I get picture?" (looking straight at me)
Me: "Um, no thanks."
JK: "I a student. One picture?"
Me: "Sorry, no."
JK: "But I form Japan."
Me: "Yeah, I know. No thanks."
JK and all his foreign friends: **Hysterical laughter**
Molly: "Wow... that was awesome."

DRIVING HOME FROM SOME ERRANDS, AN OLDER MAN IN AN SUV ROLLS DOWN HIS WINDOW AND STARTS WAVING AT ME TO ROLL DOWN MINE WHILE WE WERE BOTH STOPPED AT A STOP LIGHT. I JUST ASSUMED HE NEEDED DIRECTIONS... NOPE:

Me: "Can I help you with something?"
Man: "Yeah, do... you think you could show me some leg?"
Me: (Absolutely DISGUSTED look on my face) "No."
Man: "Oh c'mon, it's hot."
Me: (I begin to roll my window up and shaking my head vigorously in disapproval)

Really? The neverending question for my life: Why is it that I attract the BIGGEST creeps.

Middle School: PART II (Need I Say More?)

Here is another part to the middle school madness/awkwardness. My students are amazing hilarious... and awful.

Tyreshia: I gots to write alllll that down? DAngggggggg.

Teryn: Miss Cavender, whats your name?

Me: Miss Cavender.

Teryn: Stop playin’ lady, I meant your first name.

Me: I’ll tell you my last day here.

Teryn: … okay. You look like a Shaniqua.

Me: Wow, you are really good at guessing, Teryn.

Teryn: I know right? You is so black.

Alex: Miss Cavender, what kind of music do you listen to?

ME: I listen to mostly rock and alternative.

Alex: Wher’d you grow up? Kentucky? Hillbilly.

Me: Are you kidding me? Rock is not hillbilly.

Alex: Whatever, Billy Ray Cyrus.

Austin: You have Husky eyes.

Marvin: AHHHH HA! He just called you a doooggggg!

Tyreshia: MMMM girl, that’s cute. (She says this about basically anything any girl does in class.)

RD: Are you rich?

Me: I’m not poor.

RD: Rich people always say that. Are you Warren Buffet rich?

Austin: Miss Cavender, why is the overhead still on?

Me: Oh, I forgot that it was. I’ll turn it off after I get your bellwork graded.

Austin: Can I turn it off?

Me: No, don’t worry about it. Go do your work.

Austin: Ugh, fine. I don’t need the exercise anyways.

Me: … Was that a comment made toward me?

Austin: ….

Me: Was that a fat joke?

Alex: DUDE, you’re in a hole! HA.

Me: Hey Austin, guess who gets docked for effort points today? YOU! Congrats.

Nandi is probably one of the quietest girls I have ever met In my entire life… but after one boy kept on bothering her and other students during class, this was her outburst: SHUT UP, DONKEY!

Dejion: You don’t like me, do you Miss Cavender?

Me: Why would assume I didn’t like you?

Dejion: Your face. You never have to say anything… I just know.

Teryn: Misssss CAVENDERRRRRRR!

ME: TERYNNNNNNNN.

Jack: Wow, I can tell you’re still a kid.

Me: What? How?

Jack: You just MOCKED him. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it… and he completely deserves it. Ass.

Pharoah: Miss Cavender, can I touch your hair?

Surrayah: Have you ever seen 'bad girls club'?

Me: No.

Surrayah: You seem like you’d be on that show. ‘Specially since you were born in Cali.

Me: Why do you pick fights with everyone?

DaTrion: I don’t pick fights with everyone, you is crazy. You pick fights with everyone.

Me: You’re doing it right now.

DaTrion: Yeah, I was just doin’ that ‘cause I’d knew It would bother you.

In a conversation about some hot wing restaurant

DaTrion: It’s so hot, you can’t even explain it, it’s so hot. I mean SO hot… like you wouldn’t even know, it’s so hot.

Morgan: So… I’m guessing it’s hot.

Teryn: Have you ever had any students disrespect you, Miss Cavender?

Me: Yeah.

Teryn: Really? Who would disrespect you? Gosh danggggg, I’d punch ‘em in the face. If you want, you can hire me as your bodyguard and I’d take care of ‘em for you.

Middle School: PART I (Need I Say More?)

I just realized that I have never posted anything that highlights my time student teaching in my middle school!

Think back to middle school... the years of acne, braces, and awkwardly detailed sex ed classes. The times when a kid farted in class, everyone laughed, thus keeping them distracted for the rest of the class period. The years of raging hormones and efforts of self-discovery. Seriously though, middle school sucked. I know I was awkward... and even if you deny it, you were awkward too.

I have SO many stories to tell from my student teaching experience thus far. But, to save time, I am just going to write out some of my favorite moments, the most memorable quotes, and some little details about some of my students.

Here's the set up: I am teaching 7th, 8th, and 8th honors art at a local lower income public school. Most kids are African American. I have a lot of ESL (English as a Second Language) and ELL students. They are basically all taller than I am.

Teryn: Miss Cavender, what was your first job?

Me: I was a swim instructor and a lifeguard.

Devont'ae: Yeah, that seems fitting for you.

Me: How is that?

Devont'ae: I mean, you seem like... well, you're in shape... I mean you look like you have the figure for it... like you look good, I mean in shape... (stammering and stuttering through this)

Me: .......

Jack: Wow, Devont'ae. Tell us how you really feel.

Jack: Why are your eyes white?

Me: They aren't white.

Jack: Yeah they are.

Me: You're in art class, what color are my eyes?

Jack: ... white.

Me: ... And I have failed as your art teacher.

Me: Megan, how was visiting your twin in Minneapolis this weekend? (her and her sister were separated at birth and just got in contact.. crazy but true.)

Megan: Good! We had fun.

Me: Are you two anything alike?

Megan: Well, not really... she likes to play outside and I don't...

Me: ... oh... anything else that's different?

Megan: ... well, she likes dogs and I don't.

Me: Well, I guess I could see how that would be difficult.

Tyreshia: You's a party girl, ain't you?

Me: Why did you even bring that up? Get back to work, please.

Tyreshia: Yeah you isssss... you is craaaaaaaazy. You be on one of those party block shows. Hollaaaaa.

Brandon: Miss Cavender, what is the chance of one of your students getting your number?

Me: One in a million.

Brandon: So you're saying there's a chance?

Me: Um, absolutely not... wait, did you just quote 'Dumb and Dumber'?

Brandon: Yep.

Me: Nice.

Capria: Miss Cavender?

Me: Yes Capria?

Capria: If I tell you something, do you promise not to get mad?

Me: Um, it depends on what it is...

Capria: ... Okay, well I'll just tell you anyways... your clothes don't match.

Levi: I can blow bubbles out of my eyes... WANNA SEE?!

Me: Ew, no.

Levi: Too bad, I am showing you anyways.

Scott and RD: Miss Cavender, it's 4/20.

Here's a story about one of my favorite students named Mason. He is kind of the loner, artsy type. He listens to hardcore music and is always really good in class. He he almost a black belt in some kind of karate or martial arts. Kind of on the small side and not really one of the popular kids. I guess he had been being kind of bullied for awhile. Well, last week, he was gone Monday thru Thursday... 4 days gone is obviously due to a suspension. I later found out that I guess after school the previous Friday, that bully started to tease Mason again. Mason I guess just had enough and beat the CRAP out of this 5'11 8th grader. I am not a big fan of fighting, but to be honest with you, I am pretty gosh dang proud of Mason. I laughed for about 5 minutes straight when I found this out... and I really just want to give him a high five... but I know that would not be very professional...

Okay, more stories and quotes to come... I have TONS... it's just my battery is dying and I don't have my charger with me. Look for PART II soon.

Skirt + Wind = .....

Yep. You guessed it.

This post is pretty short due to the immense embarrassment I am trying to endure while also keeping it low key.

It has been absolutely GORGEOUS in Omaha these past few days. I am talking 80's. SO NICE. Well, I got back from school today and decided to change into a new skirt I just bought before I had to go to work. I am really lucky that I work just a few blocks from my apartment, so no matter the weather, I walk. Well, today was no exception. I was walking to work... in my new short linen skirt. Well, I obviously wasn't thinking because today was especially windy. I was trying my best to hold down my skirt as I was walking to work, but as I was crossing one of the main streets in the old market, I dropped my cell phone, and I reached to get it. Well, me reaching for my phone equaled me letting go of my skirt. Yep... skirt flew up. On one of the main streets in the Old market. Right about dinner time. In 80 degree weather. Well, I quickly pulled it down and pretended like it didn't happen.... cause really, I didn't want to draw attention to myself... or acknowledge how many people saw this event... and I am fully aware that people DID see this.

Well, about half an hour later, as I am walking around and organizing some of the clothes in the store. I get to the lingerie section, which is by one of our big windows. Three boys walk by, glance at me, look at each other, then walk back right to the window near where I was standing. They point to the underwear... and then me... and then give me a thumbs up. Creeps. I shook my head and they just smiled cooly and walked away.

I am guessing they saw this unfortunate event before work. I wanted to die.

Gas Station Bathroom

I'm a very visual person... so right now I am going to paint you a picture with my words. The following description is my experience in a random, middle-of-nowhere Kansas, gas station:

Two gas pumps. Gas station sign falling off the front of the building. No other cars in sight. So glad that I pay at the pump at this point. I walk into the small building to buy a water and use the bathroom. Inside, there are three men... picture the greasiest, sloppiest, stereotypical rapist type, and those are what these men looked like. I really wish someone was with me. I go to the bathroom, which is unisex. DIRTIEST bathroom I have ever seen. No toilet seat. Suspicious fluids all over the floor. I REALLY have to go... but I almost would rather pee in a bottle. I still choose toilet. Instead of toilet paper, a box of kleenex. While washing my hands, I look over at the wall and notice the condom and lube dispenser. Awesome... I'm in the room of bacteria and STD's. I walk out, go over to get a water and notice they don't even have any water. I ask one of the men at the counter, "Do you have any water?" His response, "They are slow on delivering the bottled water, but we have tap water if you want that." Immediately, I say, "No that's okay, don't worry about it." I didn't want to risk anyone drugging my water. I quickly walk to my car, look up at the building, notice the three men watching me, get in my car, lock my doors, and drive off.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Just Dance! (Thank you Lady Gaga)

I love music. And dancing. And singing. And my car, Leo.

So naturally, with this combination, I thoroughly enjoy dancing and singing loudly in my car to catchy music. I'm not even embarrassed by this.

Well, driving to youth group last night, I was listening to a mix one of my friends made me... it has some super catchy music on it! Obviously, I start singing and dancing like a fool. There I am, on the interstate, rocking out. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car driving pretty much evenly and at the same speed as me. I look over in the midst of my musical performance and he too is jammin'. I'm talking full on belting out and dancing. YESSSSS. This guy had to be in his late 20's. He glances over and then stopped dancing and singing, like he was super embarrassed to be caught. Well, I know how it feels to be looked at weird for rocking out while driving, so I gave him a big thumbs up and a big smile. He looks back over, sees my thumbs up, and starts laughing and smiles back. What do I do after this? I go back to my own dancing and singing, content with the fact that I relieved him from a sense of embarrassment or judgement. After a few seconds, I look back over at the man, and he is giving me a big thumbs down. He laughs and then drives away...

Umm... Who are you, man? I was trying to be nice by not making you feel like a fool and then you give ME a thumbs down?! Gosh dang it.

KIDS.

Haven't updated in awhile... but here, for your entertainment, are more stories about my elementary students -- things they have said and done. Well, I wish I had other stories to tell you, but I basically have a full time job and nothing better to talk about. Adult life sucks... at least little kids are pretty freaking entertaining.

• Davion, one of my kindergartners (and who is also on the bus I do bus duty for), told my cooperating teacher he was going to marry me. When some of the older kids on the bus told him that I was too old for him, he said, "Well, when I am 25, I am going to date and marry Miss Cavender." Great, so I'll be 41 when that all works out.
• On my birthday, "Miss Cavender! Happy Birthday! How old are you?!" "22." "Oh... I thought you were 17."
• Hugo, a fourth grader who is most likely gay (trust me on this one): "Miss C.... mmm girl, your shirt looks soooooo nice on youuuuuu. I love pink." Please be my best friend, Hugo.
• "Miss Cavender? Um, can um I um I go um to um to the um bathroom?" Little kids are even more inarticulate than I am. What a feat!
• During an oil pastel lesson in the first grade, I turned around after the helpers passed out all the art materials, and I see one little boy with two oil pastels sticking up his nose and two in his mouth like he was impersonating a walrus. Normally, teachers would look at him and say, "Excuse me, you need to take those out of your mouth and nose right now! You know better than that to stick those there!" Good thing I am not normal- What did I do? I walk over to him and say, "You know, the last little boy who did that was sneezing purple for a month and food never tasted the same." His response? Shock and awe and immediate removal of the oil pastel from his dirty little face. I win.
• "Miss Cavender, you should date my brother..." "How old is he?" "15." "... Get back to work."
• I was rushing to help one second grade class finish cleaning up because we were running pretty late. Well, I am super clumsy (who would have thought?!) and I ran into my art cart... and it fell over. Art supplies EVERYWHERE. I'm talking paint, pencils, markers, paper, brushes, everything. The kids response? Laughter. I'm a fool.
• I found a note written about me... helllooooooo referral form. My life is complete.
• Max, a third grader: "Miss Cavender, if I don't go to the bathroom right now, my bladder is going to explode." "You are being dramatic, you need to wait till class is done." "No I'm not, that's how my dad died..." "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!..." "HAHAHA, I can't believe you just fell for that!" "... Are you KIDDING me!? Get out. Go pee." I am kind of impressed my this eight year old's sarcasm... and by how gullible I really am.
• A kindergarten boy dropped an entire sheet of gluey paper on my pant leg... he just looked up at me with the most pathetic look in the world and said... "please don't be mad." Oh my goodness... SO precious. I could never be mad at that.
• I gave out chocolate to some girls who came in during their lunch to help me clean the art room. While eating it, one of the girls just had this disgusted look on her face. I asked what was wrong. "I hate chocolate." Why are you eating it then? "Because you gave it to me..." Okay, kid. First lesson... PEER PRESSURE.

I have so many stories. I am sure a lot of them I have forgotten, but don't worry, I still have one more week in the Elementary schools and then I move to junior high... THOSE will be some GREAT stories.