Winter is WonderFALL.

I have an issue with balance. And clumsiness. And falling. And awkwardnesss in general.

From reading my past blog posts, this should come as no surprise.

Here are a few events that have transpired over the past week... I hope you find them entertaining, because looking back at them, I do...

1. This one does not have to deal with my clumsiness but more so with how attracted creepy men are (or seem to be) to me. I don't know what it is, seriously... I also don't mean to sound conceited... but I feel like whenever there is kind of a creeper at either a party or in a class, they are drawn to me. Unfortunate, really... maybe I'm too nice? Nah, that can't be it. Well, there is this man in my printmaking class. I don't know exactly how old he is, but I am guessing maybe in his early thirties... well, a few years ago, he was actually in my art fundamentals class. He yelled at me one time for looking at his drawing (while he was drawing...) Hmmm, yeah. I try really hard not to judge people... and I do my absolute best not to be rude or short with obnoxious individuals... but it is REALLY difficult not to just be completely annoyed and freaked out by this guy. Every day in class, he asks me about my most recent facebook status. Now, I know that by putting it up on Facebook, I should be expecting people to see it, but it is just weird when I post something that says, "I have the greatest friends" or "I'm thankful for mashed potatoes" and he asks/tells me, "Who are your friends? What did they do to make you think they are so great?" or "I like stuffing more than mashed potatoes..." Sometimes it takes me a minute to realize he was stalking me on Facebook. Let's just say, he is not my "friend" anymore. He is also one of the most proper speakers ever... He could be asking something as simple as, "why did you decide to draw an old man?" and it comes out like this: "Beth, may I ask you something? Where and how did you acquire the concept of etching the elderly male for this upcoming project?" I am all about proper English, but I am also all about understanding exactly what you are saying as soon as you say it. I find myself either asking him to repeat his questions or having to pause a second to think about exactly what he is asking me. Another side note, he is like 6'5'', almost 300 pounds, bald, with old man glasses. Okay... Sorry, tangent, I just had to describe him. So this was the situation that transpired between me and this man last week:

J: Beth, what, may I ask, is the exact date you will be graduating?
Me: The 18th.
J: Please forgive me because I know you have already disclosed this information, but what field are you studying?
Me: Art and Education... remember? I just had that gallery opening?
J: So what do you plan on doing with those two areas in future years? They seem to be very separate and distinct from one another.
Me: I want to teach art.
J: I imagine you will not be financially stable with teaching, am I correct?
Me: I know many people who are teachers and doing just fine.
J: I can't imagine teaching is especially rewarding. Do you think an art background causes you downfall?
Me: Why would it cause me downfall if I am teaching art?
J: Because it is not a financially stable career path either.
Me: ... Not entirely true, but whatever.

and at the end of class...

J: Beth, may I ask you your plans for this upcoming weekend?
Me: Not sure yet... packing and studying probably.
J: Well, would you be interested in joining me for an evening of dinner and wine?
Me: Ummm, no thank you.

Truth. He asked me on a date (and wine?) after telling me that I basically chose a sucky, financially-insecure career path... Of course I said no. My friend who sits next to me in class almost burst out laughing since he was witness to this entire situation. Awkward? VERY.

2. I decided to go to the Creighton basketball game on Thursday with some really good girl friends of mine that I just haven't seen in awhile due to our busy schedules. Well, Saturday (in case you weren't in Omaha) was just a ridiculous day of weather... SUPER windy, SUPER cold, and SUPER snowy. We had to park in a far away lot at the Quest Center... and because of the weather, we all SPRINTED once we got out of the car. Well, about halfway from the car to the door, I trip as I am crossing the road because I didn't see the curb. I FACEPLANTED and slid in snow in the middle of the road we were crossing. Me friends? They made sure no cars were coming and and kept on running. Yep... clumsy me. My jeans were damp for the rest of the game...

3. On Sunday, I went to the grocery store to pick up some food for my annual ugly sweater Christmas party I have with friends from Church. Well, because it had snowed the day before, the parking lot was just filled with that gross gray slush.

Gross Gray Slush + Shoes with no traction = FALL

Yep, I slipped and landed straight on my back in the nasty slush. People around me came running up to make sure I was okay... it was all silent worries and then I heard it... a four year old DYING of laughter as to what I just did. Best thing about it? I went right inside and got my groceries... I balanced on the cart on my way out.

Single and Ready to Mingle

I am single. True. But, believe it or not (this is a major nudge to my family), it is not the end of the world. I am okay with being single... OH MY GOSH, I am happy being single?! WHAT? How is that possible?! Well, it is. Get over it.

Unfortunately, I feel like this fact about my personal life is frequently brought to my attention by my loved ones (cough cough family cough). I have come to terms with the fact that I am not dating anyone. I haven't seriously dated someone in a long time. I know the people in my life don't seriously MEAN to bring up my "independence" on numerous occasions, and at this point, it kind of has been a long standing joke rather than a serious nudge for me to find a man and settle down, but just being honest, sometimes it gets obnoxious... and awkward...

So here is the most recent story:

Back in March, my sisters and I got professional photos taken. We were planning on compiling them in some sort of matter and then giving those photos to my parents for their anniversary (this past September). Well, Jackie was kind of in charge of the whole thing and thought it would be cool to make a photo book for them. I completely agreed! We decided to give them the photo book at my art show when the entire family was together. We gave the book to Denny and Gail (insert the swooning over it)... So glad they liked it! But here's the kicker: Yes, we looked good in those photos, TRUTH... but Jackie, being the creator of this photo book online, was given the opportunity to write her own little copyright notice in the book... here is what it read:

"All rights reserved. No part of this book may be copied or reproduced. Why? Because I said so. So don't copy it. Plus, copying it means that you want to stare at the Cavender girls more. Why else would you want to copy it? I mean, sure, they're cute, but isn't that creepy to make a copy of something in order to just stare at pictures of people? If you must copy it, then copy it so you can look at Beth. She's single and ready to mingle. Amanda and Jackie are taken."

Nice. Glad that this will be a part of that book FOREVER. You might as well write "Dog Lady 4Eva" (I hate cats).

Am I being dramatic? Probably. Is this copyright notice awkward... No doubt. Thanks, family.

Fatty McFatFat

Not being down on myself or super self-conscious, but I know I am not the smallest or skinniest person ever. It’s just the fact of life… I have curves. As Jessie Bennie would say, “Beth, you’re just a regular-sized little person”. True.

Well, the other day, I was at Walmart just picking up a couple things. I went to the checkout line, and the guy ringing me up was kind of weird and was just trying to make super friendly conversation. I, trying to be nice, responded to his questions and comments about my purchases. Well, a girl behind me in line started talking about how cold she was. The cashier turned to her and said, “You’re cold?!” She responded, “Yeah, well, I have like no body fat so I get cold really easily.” He turned to me and said, “Well at least she isn’t super bony… I mean, I can’t imagine how cold YOU must be! You’re SUPER bony… Ha, just kidding…”

I think he just called me fat.

Really? Did that just happen? My response was silence… I gave him an evil glare and just grabbed my things and left.

Next time something like that happens, I am knocking all the gum and candy down before I leave. That’ll show 'em.

Rebel with a Cause.

I wish I had more time to blog... but because I have now taken (almost) permanent residence in the art studio so I could work on the pieces for my show (in 25 days... AH), I have not had much time to blog about my life on my other blog or about my awkward moments on this blog... but nonetheless, I have had some very awkward moments since my last post.

So, now I am presenting to you on my small break from art making, TWO awkward moments. Enjoy. This is quite a treat... for both me and hopefully you.

Well, like I said, I have taken ALMOST permanent residence in my art studio, which is on campus in the art building. Well, I spend a TON of time there. I try to get there between 7 am and 9 am most mornings and I try to stay for at least 6 hours. Some days, I am literally there for 12 hours. Well, one Friday night, I was really focused and didn't want to leave. I had been in the studio since 10 am at it was already about 11 pm when I decided I was going to stay for a few more hours. It never occurred to me that this might be a problem... I figured, "Well, you have to have an ID card to even get into this studio, I'm not bothering anyone or being loud, staying till the middle of the night will not be a big deal." 11:50 rolled around and in walked public safety... this is what happened next:

PS: The building closes in ten minutes. You'll need to pack up your things and head out before then.

Me: Um, I am actually a BFA student and I have an art show next month, I am here all alone just working on my project. Would it be okay if I stayed a little bit longer?

PS: No, sorry, you'll have to leave. School policy.

Me: Seriously?

PS: Yep. (turns around and walks out)

On normal circumstances, I would spend a couple more minutes working on my art, clean-up, then leave like a good, compliant girl. I was NOT feeling compliant... and I was very annoyed he disturbed me in the middle of painting and was making me leave. I decided to stay... but how?

I hid. Yep... I turned off the lights in my studio, took my computer into the bathroom right next door, and stayed in there for 20-25 minutes looking up the national geographic pictures of the day and reading PostSecret entries. By the time I walked out of the bathroom, the building was officially closed... I was in the clear!

I went back into my art studio and went back to work... but I obviously forgot about the HUGE windows in the studio (without curtains). At 1:20, I hear the studio door open again... and in walked the same public safety officer that gave me my warning... this is how THAT conversation went:

PS: I told you an hour and a half ago that you needed to leave.

Me: I know, I am really sorry, but I have so much work to do and I am really not bothering anyone.

PS: It's school policy... It's MY job to make sure nothing shady is going on.

Me: Nothing shady is going on. I am just painting by myself... not smoking in the bathrooms, stealing materials, or destroying property. I know there are a lot of other things going on on campus that are way more serious than me being in this studio.

PS: I don't appreciate your tone... do you know I could report you to student integrity for insubordination? Pack up your things NOW.

I rolled my eyes... I know, I know, I shouldn't have... but what happened after this? He physically ESCORTED me OUT of the building, watched me get into my car, and drive off. What a PUNK. The one time I feel I had a legitimate cause to break rules, I get escorted by public safety and threatened with a visit to student integrity... dumb.

Second story? Not as good... BUT awkward nonetheless. I just finished my shopping at Baker's (a grocery store here in Omaha), and after I loaded everything into my car, I looked to my left... at the back corner of the parking lot, I saw a man and a woman loading a grocery cart into their van. Yep... an entire grocery cart. I could not help but watch them. After about 15 seconds or so, they stopped, looked over at me, and I immediately felt awkward (this was a sketchy Baker's...), got into my car, and drove off... right past them... and they STARED me down. I made sure they didn't follow me home. Why would someone want a grocery cart? Hmm...

Sprinklers.

I had a horrible day yesterday... really, just horrendous. That's a completely different story though. But for background sake, I was on campus in the art building from 8am until 10:30 pm. I love art, but this was not my idea of a fun time, but whatever.

Outside the art building, there is this little field/lawn area right next to the street where I parked. Now, there is a sidewalk that goes around the entire field to the street, but it takes you way out of your way. When I normally park on the street, I just cut across the field and walk on the grass. No biggie. A little bit of a shortcut. Well, after last night, I may rethink taking this shortcut...

When I left, like I said before, it was 10:30 pm and super dark out. I walked outside and began walking through the lawn to my car while simultaneously texting. Well, as soon as I was a little less than halfway across the lawn, all the automatic sprinklers in the grass come up and turn on. I am SURROUNDED by sprinklers at this point and just getting soaked. I just ran and tried getting to my car as fast as I could. My bag, all my papers, my clothes, but luckily not my phone, were drenched. Best part of me getting caught in the sprinklers? Public safety rode by on their bikes and just laughed at me.

Wow... first week of school and I am already making a fool of myself. Awesome.

Yet another retail adventure...

As most of you know, especially due to the mass numbers of blogs I have written about my current employer, I work in retail. I have discovered that working in retail is SO much more than just selling clothes and accessories... it means you have to deal with some of the weirdest people on the face of the planet. I have to deal with stupid questions, awkward comments, and embarrassing situations at least three days a week. LUCKY ME. Here are a few of my most recent encounters with some of the shoppers...

1. An older man came in with his two, YOUNG, female escorts and allotted them each $1500 to spend. Together, they spent $700. Now, If I was a female escort and obviously did not care about this man or how I was perceived, I would have spent EVERY LAST PENNY of my $1500 share... but I'm just saying.

2. I helped yet another older couple pick out lingerie. I never know what to do when this happens... I for sure blush, I know that. I just got really awkward because they weren't really using the best language or the most appropriate terms when discussing the lingerie, it's fit, the purpose, etc... you get what I'm trying to say. But without going into too much detail, the husband dropped over $300 on his wife... I am one darn good salesperson.

3. Chubby Little kid: "Ummmm... do, ummm, do you, ummm bathroom, um, have a bathrooooom?!" By the end, he was basically screaming. Sorry to tell you kid, but we don't... and it's not polite to scream at people.

4. A regular shopper, let's call her Leslie, called the other day... and I was the lucky one to answer. She asks for one of our managers who wasn't there... "That's okay, YOU can help me, Ah hahahahahaha!" She starts naming off all these things she is looking for: different items, designers, and companies. "Just set them aside for me! Pick out what you think will look good!" I had no idea what she looked like. "I'm a mom though though... and you know, things kind of shift and sag. Hahahahaha!" Ew. Way too much information. "I also get hot flashes so nothing too heavy, hahaha!" Wow, she laughed a lot... actually it was more like a cackle. After about ten minutes on the phone with her, we finally hung up and I began my search for the mom-like, anti-hot flash clothing in size I have no clue. I picked out about twenty different items and she stopped in about an hour later to try them on. First of all, I guess this woman used to be a model, so in her heels, she was about 6'2''... WAY shorter than me. Good thing I grabbed mediums and larges. The entire time she was trying things on, she would just be laughing all by herself and making beyond random comments. At one point, she came out to ask my opinion on a top, and she looks me dead in the eye and says, "Hey, do you have any drinks in the back? Would you mind running over next door to M's pub and grabbing me a cocktail? You know, long day with the kids, hahahaha!" I had no idea if she was serious or not... I didn't get her one though. She ended up dropping a significant amount of money, but she was one of the craziest and spastic people I have ever met in my entire life... with the craziest cackle.

5. What a mom said to me when I was helping her and her daughter find a homecoming dress: "These are all so cute! How are we supposed to choose? What are you wearing to homecoming?" She was looking straight at me for my response... yep, once again I was mistaken for a teenager... "Oh, I am actually 22." "Oh, I'm sorry! Well, good news is that if you wanted to crash a homecoming, no one would notice!" Strangest compliment I have gotten in a long time.

Winking.

Here's a little fun fact about Beth Cavender:

She feels really awkward when people wink at her. She gets all flustered and tends to blush really bad... especially when boys do it. Don't know why, it just happens. It reminds her of creepy men who have dirty minds.

If you wink at her, she will get awkward.